Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.
I need to take a good shit
Free my body of toxic waste
My shoes never seem to fit
Worn out from all the dreams I've chased.
I never seem to find my way
Something always runs me off track
With all the fucked up things people say
I'm pushed up against a wall behind my back.
I feel like a homeless hobo
Caught out alone in the rain
But I'm the car of this show
People stare at me 'till their eyes are strained.
My feeling sore out there for all to see
To degrade someone is what they seek
I hope everyone takes a good look -- that's me!
I'm that little circus sideshow freak!
--
A/N: This is not my work. This is actually my dad's from when he was in high school O.o I found it in a box when I was going through my dad's stuff and I wanted to see what you thought of it. Obviously, we have very similar feelings going through our teen years.
--
Kara
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139,674 Literary Works • 672,647 Reviews
Hi there! Radrook here to give a review. Thanks for posting this veery interesting poem. I like the reference to shoes being worn out because of the futility of precious efforts. Also the imagery of being run off a track is nice. The rhyming is perfect as is the meter.
It would have been interesting to hear exactly what people were saying so we can see why he considered this things fucked up. Since the reader doesn’t know he can’t evaluate whee your dad’s evaluation of such things is justified or not. But the poem’s purpose isn’t to convince us. It is merely to show in a very forceful way how your dad was feeling at that particular time. I would say that it succeeded in conveying that frustration very well and in a very artuistic and entertaining manner.
The thing that happened to my dad is something I can't talk about online, sorry.
Why sorry? I am not PERSONALLY interested in extremely private personal things concerning any member on this forum, much less your dad's. Neither did I request that such things should be revealed. So your reaction comes as a complete surprise. I am merely responding as a totally objective reviewer and explaining how the poem which was specifically posted for a review, cannot arouse certain feelings or allow certain evaluations because it lacks crucial specifics that are essential to make that possible. If your father wasn't specific, he had his reasons which should be respected. As I clearly said in the review, the poem's purpose isn't to convince us, it is to express psychological discomfort and it achieved it. BTW it is considered common decency to thank someone for the time taken for a review. Your lack iof common courtesy is noted and it will be the last time that I review any of your writings.
BTW
I don't look people's names whom I am reviewing so I had absolutely no idea it was your post. Had I known I would not have reviewed based on previous rudeness.
radrook you do realize that I'm human too, no matter what my profile says. I usually give a clarification and, once the other realizes this, say thanks for the review. also, I was rushing because it was the end of homeroom and I wanted to get to my other notifications before class. I'm sorry that I was rude, and I had read it wrong, but that doesn't make it so you can be rude to me as well.
but thanks for the review --
kara
I was not intending to be rude and if I was I am sorry. Just trying to clarify in order to dispel any misconceptions. Kind Regards Radrook
peace?
**holds out hand to shake**
Peace and God bless and be with you always.
Handshake.
alright
Because of a misunderstanding, you throw the ultimatum to not read any more of someone's works? Really? How do you assume the most out of someone saying they can't reveal any information on their dad? It's a statement. If you get offended and assume someone else is offended or is rude, you jump to say you won't read their works? Does that really make any sense?
It's okay, leleparadise. We got it handled
Hello Kara, Adrian here for a review
before i start, tell your dad i said hello and that this poem is a masterpiece. thank.
now heres the review.
"I need to take a good shit
Free my body of toxic waste" iconic this is going to be my senior quote.
HOWEVER, and i hate to bash this, i dont know how it goes with the next two lines?
i feel like they dont exactly flow together. but dont get me wrong, i did enjoy the next two lines. they just didnt go together.
the second stanza is my favorite in the entire poem, its extremely well written and ahHHH I LOVE IT. i literally have nothing to point out there.
actually i have nothing to point out about the rest of the poem. its all really well written and i very much enjoyed it.
so yeah have a good day and happy holidays
i look forward to seeing more from you in the future pal
>Adrian
@Flumadiddle @Saruka @people
YES