sitting in the dark with stranger things sweatpants,
writing, writing, writing,
skritch scratch skritch,
with a too-bright flashlight and the
shadow of my hand in pencil on the paper;
i contemplate peacefully the story i wrote,
thinking, thinking, thinking,
hmm, tsk, hmm,
tongue passing over lips and teeth and
my just-showered hair pressing against my face;
dogs and cars provide white noise to my muse,
vrooming, vrooming, vrroming,
bark, howl, bark,
my near-illegible handwriting screaming about
the characters i created or didn't create;
though i will forever sit on this bed with a neck cramp,
hurting, hurting, hurting,
ow, hiss, ow,
perfectly content with the page
that i had written with late-night love.
{written at 1:00 AM}
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,732 Reviews
Alright, this poem is from 2019 but to hell with it, I need something to review that won't kill my lacking attention span at 2:46 am hoping my dad doesn’t find out I’m awake.
The sound description is a nice touch! I can’t remember how to spell the word and am currently typing on my phone so sorry. It adds some spice to the poem and it helps to portray a calming feeling for the reader, like you seem to have been when having written the poem. You were at peace with what you had accomplished and weren’t judging it too badly!
The poem does read a bit choppy to me but hey, that’s fine! Can’t be helped sometimes and it was written at one am so maybe that’s what you were going for. Grammar is always a toss up for poetry so you do you when it comes to that.
Otherwise eh. It’s poetry so finding mistakes can be hard. I’d say it reads a bit strange to me, and the part of “did or didn’t create” could be fixed to flow more smoothly since it seems to disrupt the flow of the poem.
9/10 on yelp.
-Cow
this poem has a very unique feeling, perfectly encapsulating that liminal feeling of the late night. I noticed that you didn't capitalize your "I"s and I would almost recommend leaving it, to preserve the soft surreal feeling you have created. the repeated use of onomatopeias gives a calming, repetitive element that I have rarely seen used this effectively. overall this is a solid piece, and I cannot find any spelling or grammatical errors to bring to your attention.
keep writing
~Corvus
this poem was probably made more out of boredom, so you basically described the first thing coming on your mind. I think it is called subconscious writing, but i am not sure. it really is fine.. but the lack of feelings is overwhelming. since it is late, everything structure wise, is complexified or in certain cases; down right destroyed. basically, i mean that all of your thoughts passing in your head become things you mistake for inspiration, and you start writing everything down- because of that, we can not learn anything out of your poem, and no message ever pops out. just your first stanza alone has nearly five or six ideas- and each of these seemingly interesting ideas, just get ruined when you write them all down in a block. i think you should've kept the idea until tomorrow, and maybe the ideas would've clicked better together. I myself generally write past sunset, but that does not mean i throw in ideas that way- now, i get my review is kinda harsh.. knowing a poem written by night have a much more personal and visionary aspect- but i just want you to improve your nighttime poetry.