Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Lyrics » Fanfiction

16+ Language

Little Nightmares (Parody of 'Little Game')

by zaminami


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

A/N: this is to the tune of Little Game by Benny.

//

I awoke in this hell,

With no idea what's going on,

In a world with nightmares and monsters hunting me,

The only way to hide is to run and climb and run,

Turn every turn with caution to prevent myself from dying and they say:

"Hush, now, fall into my trap."

//

"Hush child, hush child, don't say a word,

Just try to avoid me, you will get hurt.

Hush child, hush child, don't try to cry.

We are your little nightmares, are your little nightmares."

//

Surrounded by monsters and I need clever common sense,

They're raising humans as food and I need to avoid that fate,

For I'm a mess, distressed, they are unimpressed, I'm excess, a dress, is all I'll ever be,

Help me, please, God, I don't know where the hell I am!

Welcome to the land of the little nightmares!,

//

"Hush child, hush child, don't say a word,

Just try to avoid me, you will get hurt.

Hush child, hush child, don't try to cry.

We are your little nightmares, are your little nightmares.

Hush child, hush child, don't say a word,

You can't avoid me, you will be ours.

Hush child, hush child, don't try to cry.

We are your little nightmares, are your little nightmares."

//

I fake humanity, just to get by,

Oh and I fake confidence, just to feel alive,

They can't hurt me anymore.

There's nothing left to consume of her, there's nothing left to eat from her.

'Cause children it's easy to fake a smile,

When you've been doing it for a while,

But children it's hard to fake your hunger,

Even if you've been doing it for a while...

//

"Hush child, hush child, don't say a word,

Just try to avoid me, you will get hurt.

Hush child, hush child, don't try to cry.

We are your little nightmares, are your little nightmares.

Hush child, hush child, don't say a word,

You can't avoid me, you will be ours.

Hush child, hush child, don't try to cry.

We are your little nightmares, are your little nightmares."

//

Hush children hush children, ooooh yeah.

"Hush child hush child, come play... come and play,

"Come and play come-"

Play our little game.

"Play our little game."

Play our little game,

Won't you play with me?

//

A/N: Yeet LN song I did it PotatoLord you're very welcome :3 if you don't know Little Nightmares, Markiplier played it so I would recommend you check it out. It's really impressive animation and the ending is amazing.

Don't forget to give me your soul --

Kara


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
494 Reviews


Points: 5557
Reviews: 494

Donate
Sun Oct 29, 2017 9:12 pm
Holysocks wrote a review...



Hello Kara! Happy Review Day!

Yayyy more horror! I swear that's the only good thing about halloween- more horror stories, poetry, etc! I didn't expect to find a horror song though! That's pretty cool! I also have a love for writing song parodies/filks, so this was indeed an interesting read! Though it's often hard to imagine how lyrics are supposed to fit together into a song, seeing them simply on paper with no music. So that was the other cool thing about it being a filk, because you linked the original song and we could kinda get an idea of what you were going for!

Unlike Alliyah, I didn't find that your song lyrics flowed with the music like the original. Some of it did, but others seemed forced. That's the only thing that I don't like about filks/parodies- it's really hard sometimes to fit the song with new, original lyrics that don't have a bunch of random 'this is only in here because I need words here' lyrics. I'm not really sure how to fix that exactly, other then really taking the time to think the words you put in there through. And then thinking them through again!

Just try to avoid me, you will get hurt.


There were some instances where I felt the wording was a little awkward as well. I'm not sure exactly why this sentence feels awkward, but I think it has to do with a. the word choice, and b. the relation of the first half of the sentence with the second half. "Avoid" to me seems like not a strong enough word. I avoid chores and creepy looking bushes. I don't avoid monsters- I run, hide, etc from monsters. I might even fight monsters. But "avoid" seems to casual and passive to me, like it's more of an inconvenience then a struggle for survival or something. Then "you will get hurt" sounds weird after "just try to avoid me" because... I'm not entirely sure. If you said it like "Try to avoid me, and you will get hurt" or "then you will get hurt" it might flow a little better. Partly I think it's because of the random words things again. And by that I mean- sometimes as writers we add words that technically work fine in a normal sentence, but there are far clearer and even possibly shorter ways of saying that thing that doesn't require words such as "just". Sometimes less really is more.

So how can we fix wordy-ness? And especially, how can we fix wordy-ness in a filk, when you need those extra words to make the flow right? It really comes down to re-reading a work and reworking parts of it. I'm someone that struggles with wordy-ness. You should see my prose. Yikes.

As far as the meaning of this song, the content. I can tell for sure it's supposed to be a horror, but it's hard to tell exactly what the song is about exactly. What is the 'monster'? Some hints to that would be cool- I didn't notice any (though maybe there were?). That would maybe give some reason for us to be scared or threatened by the lyrics such as "just try to avoid me, you will get hurt." What are we running from, here? Give us a reason to run. The other thing is, don't underestimate the power of unique words/images. In this piece, there's a lot of more-or-less cliche themes throughout. phrases like 'come and play', the mention of children, are pretty common horror themes. So my advice to you, since you can't really avoid many cliche's in a lot of stuff (ex. love poems), as yourself: how can I make mine different? Say it differently. Use words that might not typically be in a horror song. Use your own unique view of the word and inject that in there. Sometimes when I'm trying to grasp the concept of making something none-cliche even though it's a common cliched theme, is it helps to think of trying to describe a colour without using the colours name or referring to colour at all.

Anyway, I hope you keep up the filking! Hopefully you found this somewhat helpful.

-Socks




zaminami says...


This is a parody/fanfiction of game called [url=store.steampowered.com/app/424840/Little_Nightmares/]Little Nightmares[/url], a game that me and @Sheytato like. I mostly wrote this for Shey (I'M WAITING FOR YOUR REVIEW, EH HEM), but it is based of of that :D that's why I didn't describe the monsters and stuff.



zaminami says...


Well crap, the url didn't work.

What the heck?

Let's try again: store.steampowered.com/app/424840/Little_Nightmares/

If it doesn't work just copy-paste it into the search bar or something :P



User avatar
1069 Reviews


Points: 134955
Reviews: 1069

Donate
Sun Oct 29, 2017 6:01 pm
alliyah wrote a review...



Well hello DemonGoddess! I'd never heard of this song before, but just listened to it to better review this song you've done.


I think the flow and wording of the poem generally sounded pretty much like that of the original song so no issue there. I would suggest though to add some more specifics into the conflict. Like the best lines in this are these two: "Oh and I fake confidence, just to feel alive," and "'Cause children it's easy to fake a smile" because we get some insight into the speaker and their struggle with putting on these fake airs. However the rest of the poem is fairly vague. Until that line I have no idea what the monsters or the nightmares are about or why the child is being to told to be quiet. So until that line, for me the poem had no emotional connection was just about fairy tales rather than reality if that makes sense. I would definitely recommend incorporating the conflict explicitly earlier on in the piece rather than just making vague allusions to it. In the original song the beauty is that you immediately understand the whole conflict is about expectations and gender-roles and so that focuses all the metaphorical language behind it -- but if we don't know what the metaphor is referring to - it loses it's power.

I think this was one of your better pieces as far as word choice and theme, although for me it did end up getting pretty repetitive towards the end -- this might be unavoidable though if you have to stick with the initial poem's structure. Although if you can, maybe try to mix it up a little more.

I hope to see more of your lyrics in the future! Have a wonderful review day, fellow werewolf!
:)

~alliyah

PS - no I will not give you my soul, so don't even ask! :D




zaminami says...


:D thank you

**noms soul anyway**



User avatar
364 Reviews


Points: 15630
Reviews: 364

Donate
Fri Oct 27, 2017 9:52 pm
zaminami says...



@Sheytato





There was nothing he enjoyed more than a good book. He'd wander into the study, take down some leather-bound volume, and eat it.
— Terence Brady (dog owner)