Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
i look around the crowd; all of those people
aren't aware about the death
that coil around their ropes;
their ropes of their souls' life and the ones aware are screaming
and taking nonexistent pills
for their psychological anxiety
the crowd increases my anxiety
where they don't know that all people
die eventually; the pills
of carnage and death
send people screaming
down to the Pit's all-consuming ropes.
and all the scared ones grab the invisible ropes
to hold up their life but the hands of anxiety
attempt to pull them, screaming
into the pit of darkness where people
don't exist and death
is abundant and where they don't work—the pills.
but what is with the pills,
people wonder? they don't seem to help the depressed hold up their ropes
and not fall into death.
they usually give in to their depression and anxiety
instead of holding onto the people
they love and instead falling into the shadows screaming.
i am screaming.
i take the pills
even if they don't work; the people
that don't understand tug on my ropes,
attempting to pull me up, but anxiety
prevents them from doing so and instead leads me to death.
they wonder what it is; death.
is it heaven? is it a place to be screaming?
to me, it fuels my anxiety
and forces me to take pills
so i won't wonder and worry people; hoping that the ropes
will hold me until i can be pulled back up to the people.
what is death? what are people?
are they tiny ants who think they could be screaming; that try to hold up the ropes
filled with anxiety? the ones that study death and take the discovery pills?
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,732 Reviews
Hey izanami!
Just getting caught up on all of the reviews that I owe you. I hope you don't mind!
I enjoyed reading your poem. I wanted to congratulate you for having the wherewithal to write a sestina. It's something I've never even attempted, and I thought you did a good job with this. I commend you for the topic as well; mental disorders are something that are tough to write about and not always easy to discuss or portray. But what I thought this poem did effectively was show the chaos and uncertainty that goes through someone's head when they are the ones that are affected.
I'm not sure if you're planning to go back and revise this, but I have to say I was a little unsure as to what the message of this poem was, on its own, what it was trying to say or what had to say about things like depression and mental disorders. I interpreted it is that the treatment of mental illness is somewhat of a cycle. We take pills to feel better, but they end up making us feel more empty. Not sure if that's what you were intending though, but I would try to clarify this however you can.
Hope this helps! Great work, and feel free to let me know if you have any questions!
Hey Izanami! Here to review your work, and with that being said, please feel free to disregard any of my comments or suggestions should you find them unhelpful! Onto the review....
My overall impression:
This poem is a very deep and dark look into the mind of one who is suffering from depression. My interpretation (which, if I am wrong, please feel free to correct me!), is that the sufferer is overwhelmed and taking medication for their depression. They, in what seems to be an episode of their condition, are contemplating the need to take pills to soothe their condition and that despite this, they feel as tough they are isolated from people in general because of their condition. They also seem to casually contemplate life and death.
What I liked:
"and the ones aware are screaming" especially struck a cord in me. As someone who suffered from depression at a young age, I feel like this statement resonates with me. It seems as though nobody TRULY understands unless they too suffer from similar conditions... And it is a scary reality living with depression and anxiety.
I like that this statement directly shows the reader that the narrator feels as though the pills aren't helping and others question this due to their implied behavior.
This final stanza emphasizes the confusion and over-analysis the narrator is trapped in. It shows that they appear to feel trapped, confused, and not improving in their condition. It makes me worry for them and wish that I could reassure them.
My Suggestions:
"that coils round their ropes"
That's all I have for suggestions, as I rather enjoyed your format and style of writing. This poem really is eye-opening for those who do not understand conditions like these. It was dark, but beautifully written. I only hope that you as the writer are doing okay.
I look forward to reading more of your work soon! Keep writing,
-Katja
This is an impressive poem.I really loved this one.It's like talking to me,I get the picture straight in my head.
I loved these lines a lot,
"but what is with the pills,
people wonder? they don't seem to help the depressed hold up their ropes
and not fall into death.
they usually give in to their depression and anxiety
instead of holding onto the people
they love and instead falling into the shadows screaming"
It spoke about not consoling the depressed to optimism.
I was totally into your poem.It was intriguing and the ending was incredible.
Thank you!
Thank YOU for your work
Again, this is a school project, so please review from that standpoint.
I'm actually doing a lot better, so please don't take this as a "OH JESUS CHRISTO KARA NEEDS HELP CALL THE HOTLINE" because I'm taking medicine and I'm getting help and stuffs so don't think of it like that! The assignment is to write poems about your life and I wrote this one about my super dark stage.
Also, if I have to explain what a sestina is, you will not get on the High Council Chambers of Hell (the HCCH or as I like to call it, the Hiccup). Look it up on the wonderful world of Google.
Still glad to be back~~!
--Zami