Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.
I wrote some letters I don't ever want to be sent.
They shouldn't be sent.
They tell stories of how I went from who I was
to who I am now.
They tell a story of why
but I don't want there to be a when.
I wanna get drunk,
it would be better than this.
When I'm drunk,
I don't feel sad and suicidal.
Just a few hours ago I was giddy.
Giddy never lasts.
I wish it did, it would save me some pain.
I don't want to lose what matters to me.
They don't want to lose me.
I cried for the first time in days,
finally felt something that didn't feel fake or forced.
I've daydreamt of getting hit by cars,
at least then I would get what I want
without getting the blame placed on my dead shoulders.
I guess the reason why I like being choked,
is because I don't care if they stop.
Choking actually calms me down.
It's probably because I lose the control.
Don't heckle me
because this isn't how your thoughts work.
I'm just displaying mine,
just trying to get some thoughts off my chest.
I haven't really thought of the future,
not passed school I mean.
Like I have my boyfriend,
I know I don't want to lose him.
But that is all I know.
I haven't thought about it,
because I don't even know
if I will be alive for it.
This is my "almost" suicide. I am slowly killing the one inside of me. The one that still gives a fuck.
These thoughts rush through my head,
I wish I could stop this,
traffic jam or roller coaster.
I don't know how to describe it.
A/N Legacy here. You can pm me if you have questions about the content. I am not really looking to have this reviewed, but you can tell me what you think if you want. I don't care about the structure; I care about the emotion. Also, you guys can share your stories with the struggle or watching someone else you care about struggle if you want to. For now, I'm out guys. Stay safe, Legacy.