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18+ Language Violence Mature Content

"Almost" suicide

by Thisislegacy

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.

I wrote some letters I don't ever want to be sent.

They shouldn't be sent. 

They tell stories of how I went from who I was

to who I am now. 


They tell a story of why 

but I don't want there to be a when. 


I wanna get drunk,

it would be better than this.

When I'm drunk, 

I don't feel sad and suicidal. 


Just a few hours ago I was giddy.

Giddy never lasts. 

I wish it did, it would save me some pain.


I don't want to lose what matters to me.

They don't want to lose me. 

I cried for the first time in days,

finally felt something that didn't feel fake or forced. 


I've daydreamt of getting hit by cars,

at least then I would get what I want 

without getting the blame placed on my dead shoulders.


I guess the reason why I like being choked,

is because I don't care if they stop. 

Choking actually calms me down.

It's probably because I lose the control.


Don't heckle me 

because this isn't how your thoughts work. 

I'm just displaying mine,

just trying to get some thoughts off my chest. 


I haven't really thought of the future,

not passed school I mean. 

Like I have my boyfriend, 

I know I don't want to lose him.


But that is all I know. 

I haven't thought about it,

because I don't even know 

if I will be alive for it. 


This is my "almost" suicide. 

I am slowly killing the one inside of me.

The one that still gives a fuck. 


These thoughts rush through my head,

I wish I could stop this, 

traffic jam or roller coaster.

I don't know how to describe it.


A/N Legacy here. You can pm me if you have questions about the content. I am not really looking to have this reviewed, but you can tell me what you think if you want. I don't care about the structure; I care about the emotion. Also, you guys can share your stories with the struggle or watching someone else you care about struggle if you want to. For now, I'm out guys. Stay safe, Legacy. 

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User avatar
54 Reviews

Points: 529
Reviews: 54

Fri Sep 08, 2017 3:21 am
postmalone says...

F*** you read my mind, you know how many times I've tried to kill myself over the past few years I've been struggling? Five, and you know how many times I've envisioned death by cutting, hanging, hit by cars, killed by trucks on highways, burning, shooting... too fckin many to count.

this was very, thank you..

Thisislegacy says...

You're welcome. It's a good thing you are still alive. At the moment I only envision death and haven't attempted yet. Stay safe ~Legacy

User avatar
485 Reviews

Points: 21027
Reviews: 485

Sun Jun 25, 2017 11:31 pm
Elijah wrote a review...

Hey there, Eli here from Team Marlins on this review day!

I have no complains when it comes to grammar, you nailed it! But I want to talk about the concept of it. I personally have not struggled with that kind of thoughts of hurting yourself but I have seen people around me, in real life and on the internet, enough to tell that this is something horrible. I know that the person who is doing it on themselves do not do it on purpose. Many who do not know what it is ,like me, I do not know for real but I am not one of them and I would be ashamed of myself if I ever dared to complain, feel like they need to brag about how the ones in need just kill themselves for those five minutes fame they will get on the internet if they kill themselves live or whatever they might be doing. But no, this is not what is happening. These people actually need help and I feel like your work is just another letter sent to people like those.

I am so sorry to hear you feel this way, the work is still amazing and I wanted to mention that. You are right that the emotion in this work is more important than just the way it is structured. And even if it mattered, I would not include it in my review because you were perfect in both of the mentioned above aspects.

I am glad works like this still happen to be written here and pop up my screen because they carry a story with them and might help others.

Keep on writing!

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116 Reviews

Points: 199
Reviews: 116

Wed Jun 21, 2017 1:52 am
Featherstone wrote a review...

Hello, Fea here to review!

So I don't often review poetry, but since you were targeting the emotion instead of the structure and I really should practice, I thought I'd give it a go.

Being someone who very nearly slit my own wrists open, I know firsthand what this is like. I particularly liked this stanza:

"This is my "almost" suicide.

I am slowly killing the one inside of me.

The one that still gives a fuck.

The rhythm was even, so it didn't break me out of the poem, which as great.

Nice job,

~ Fea

Thisislegacy says...

Thanks. If you like the emotion in this one, I think you would enjoy my Open Letters to Mom parts 1-3 and Welcome Home.

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760 Reviews

Points: 31996
Reviews: 760

Sun Jun 11, 2017 3:45 pm
ExOmelas wrote a review...

Hey, I started going through this before I read your author's note, so I'll briefly review then talk about the subject matter for a bit.

at least then I would get what I want

without getting the blame placed on my dead shoulders.

This is a pretty complex thought that I really like the idea of. The blame placed on the shoulders of people with mental health issues is utterly disgusting. Stupid. Ridiculous. I could go on but I'm sure you understand.

Like I have my boyfriend,

That's kind of jutting out from your tone so far. You've been pretty serious, now it sounds like you're just rambling.

Alright, onto overall for a bit.

You could probably have improved this with some imagery. I'll go on in a bit to talk about experiences I've had of friends going through this, so I know a fair bit about what you're talking about, but a lot of people won't. The emotions in you, I can imagine, are enormously powerful, and probably terrifying. You can relate these in really emotive ways if you personify the feelings or something, just some big, dramatic metaphors. You probably know what I mean. Cos right now, it's like you're just talking to me on instant messaging of some sort, rather than forcing people who don't understand mental illness to feel your pain and reasses their views (ie, people who might believe that it is somehow your fault for being 'weak').

I have only ever helped friends get through this kind of thing, and sometimes I've messed it up pretty bad. Make sure, if you can (I know sometimes people don't know enough understanding people to do this), that you have a wide-ranging support network, so that you don't put too much strain on one relationship. Good luck with everything, and my PM inbox is open if you need someone to vent to.

Hope this helps,
Biscuits :)

Thisislegacy says...

Thanks for the review. I find it better to message people that I know will message back. And this was just to get some things off my chest tbh (per the authors note) but if you want to review my newest work Ana's Game, that would be great.

ExOmelas says...

Cool, will put on my list :)

If a nation loses its storytellers, it loses its childhood.
— Peter Handke