Young Writers Society

I've been an off and on recovering and relapsing anorexic teen for over a year now... on August 19th, I was 196 lbs. Now, Sept. 7th, I'm 184 lbs. Twelve pounds in like eighteen days, because I eat a whole lot less, and whenever I do eat, it's healthier, and try to maintain exercise. I'm so obsessed with my weight that I want to lose 24 lbs in the next month so I'm at least 160 lbs by my sixteenth birthday. I'm 5'6" by the way.

but yeah.. I really felt for this poem. It kinda mirrored what I feel and tell myself and listen to in my head all day every day. I'm hooked on Ana's words and I can't escape, but I don't want to because holy fuck it feels so good to not eat and to lose weight and burn off some fat. I'm sorry if you've ever dealt or are dealing with anorexia.. please stay strong and get through this.

update: I just realized you said you wanted constructive criticism and not about the content, but this was posted in early June and i think you are my current favourite yws poetry writer honestly, sorry to bother you with a bunch of comments and all, thank you so much for posting

Hey there, welcome to my conquest to clear as much of the green room out before my family come over at 6

I like how you personify anorexia (Ana, I get it ). It makes it feel more confrontational. Your character isn't fighting her own brain, but some completely foreign entity. This makes it really easy to sympathise with her, which is something it's really important to do, because currently not enough people have gone through it (or are willing to listen) to understand what it's like.

One way that you could add onto this is to describe Ana with more vile and viscious word choice and imagery. Make her seem evil (which you have done with the strings, but overload us with it), make her seem violent and powerful. The emotional potential of this is enormous, but right now I have only dread/anticipation. Don't get me wrong, that's a great step in the right direction, but grip me in terror and fear, the way that your character is.

Your stanzas seem a bit random. I think if you had the size of stanza regular for a while then a much shorter stanza at an important point, it would have much higher impact. Or you could build up the pace to a climax, then bring it down with your haunting last line. There's lots of avenues you could explore; have fun with it. (well, not fun considering the subject matter, but you know what I mean).

Hope this helps,
Biscuits

Hi ThisisLegacy! Happy review day!
I'm assuming what you meant by your author's note was to not comment on the subject matter? I'll take it that way. Anyway....onto the review.

So, I think for a poem like this, the reader should get wrapped up in the emotions of the speaker and feel what the speaker is feeling, and for this poem, I just didn't get that. I think what would have helped me get more into this poem is the dialogue. When I thought of the relationship between a person and an eating disorder, I expected more animosity and resentment? Maybe that is what you intended, or maybe it's not. Either way, I think utilizing the dialogue to give readers a clearer sense of the relationship between the speaker and the eating disorder would help readers connect to the speaker more. I just felt really disconnected from the speaker, and I think that's what is majorly holding this poem back. Poems like these have the power to really harness readers, and I think this poem is missing the unique personal flavor and voice that would make it special.

Try reading the poem out loud. I find that I get a different perspective on works when I hear them being read versus reading them in my head. That might give you more of a reader's perspective instead of an author's.

Good luck on this poem! I commend you for tackling the topic!

Have a fun day/night!

~iamanaspiringwriter