Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Other » Narrative

18+ Language

Open Letter to Mom pt 2 (formerly Mother's day)

by Thisislegacy


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.

Mom, it's Mother's Day. Katie keeps on messaging you; seeing when you will be here to pick us up to celebrate. You don't answer and she's worried. I saw this coming. She's so naïve when it comes to you, and you are one of the things that is slowly making her depressed like me.

You fucked all your kids in the head; no wonder why Nick used to run away a few years ago and that he moved out as soon as he turned 18. No wonder why you kicked me out and then lied about it. I'm not coming "home" but you must have figured that out by now.

You did a lot of shit to us, no wonder why we are all becoming crazy. Doesn't help that you are bipolar and don't take your meds to help. You think you control it just fine, but you never have and you never can with the way that you do it.

You fucked me in the head. You have me feeling sorry for not coming back even though I know it's not a good place for me. I only stayed for so long because of Katie, but you gave me the chance to leave when you kicked me out.

Steph knows I haven't wanted to live with you since at least the age of 12, and I'm 16 now. You won't believe it though since you are so deluded. Austin never liked you, and neither did Danielle or her parents. Not once they knew that you were fucking us in the head. And they were able to tell before I was... how sad.



Why did you do what you did to us? We were innocent... we didn't do anything wrong. But you like to use my success to brag about how you were a good mother to me even though you didn't help me get to where I am. (the shit when I was 4 doesn't count, and you didn't even do that until no one else in the family would hang out with me because I was fucked.)

We didn't deserve to be walking out of the house at 3 in the morning or whatever the fuck because your boyfriend was black out drunk and you thought he was going to hit us. Yes I understand abusive relationships are hard to deal with but you have kids... they should come first.

We never deserved to move around so much. You never used your money wisely. If you did, then we would have been able to stay in one house our entire childhood instead of 12 (for me).

You shouldn't have let Nick and Katie get away with shit because you didn't want to parent. I was an easy child because I actually did what I was told. Yes I was bad sometimes, but I was agitated and I shouldn't have been babysitting little kids when I was 10.

I didn't deserve to be doing all the dishes, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc at like age 12. But I did it for years and you fucking know that. You like to deny it though, and it's whatever, at least I don't have to deal with it anymore.

I'm making my life better for me living with my dad. I have my driver's license, I have a car, I don't have to take myself to school on the bus anymore, I'm about to be driving on my own, I have an almost perfect gpa, I'm taking college classes and have been since I was 14. Far better than what you were doing at my age and you know it.

You shoved all of the things you didn't achieve on your oldest daughter and didn't expect shit out of the rest of your kids. I should have left years ago, but I didn't know I had the choice.

I should have told the truth about our living conditions when child services was called on us. I should have told someone that we didn't have lights on for a week, especially since I was asked by Danielle's parents. I should have told someone what was going on. At least I never touched weed, even though you asked if I wanted to smoke with you pretty much every day once I turned 16. Yes I did drink, but you let me. You shouldn't have let me. I shouldn't have lied to everyone about what was going on...

I needed to get out of there because I was feeling suicidal. I had a hard time crossing the street because I was hoping that the cars would hit me. Some nights I really wanted to do it myself. Devin took my pocket knife from me a year and a half ago because I almost used it on my arm. Danielle had to come over one night because I refused to eat. Yes, your daughter had an eating issue for months. But I am recovering now. Been eating right for over a year.

Take a step off your high horse. You lie about everything, and you are about to be alone in life. Because when I turn 18 I sure as hell won't talk to you very much. I'm only talking to you because I am court ordered to and you fucking know that. When will you stop... I don't want Katie messed up like me too.

-Your eldest daughter, the "failure"

-

A/N I completely changed this. But it works and I needed to get all of this off my chest honestly. Message me if you have any questions about the content. Tell me what you think about this and tell me if it is emotional enough or how to make it better. Legacy.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
80 Reviews


Points: 5229
Reviews: 80

Donate
Fri May 26, 2017 12:12 pm
Jurelixranoanad wrote a review...



Hi, J here for a review.
This was very touching and you are very brave for putting yourself out here like that. I know this is completly irrelevant to the review but, Congratulations on beating suicide, cutting, and your eating disorder! OK, on with the review, I don't think this is a poem so I'm not gonna review it as a poem. We can call it an emotional work. You had some places that needed a comma but you can find those by just reading the piece out loud to see where the reader might need to pause.
"but you never have and you never can with the way that you do it."
This sentence is very wordy and I had trouble understanding it. Maybe try rewording it or not using so many small words.
(the shit when I was 4 doesn't count, and you didn't even do that until no one else in the family would hang out with me because I was fucked.)
The needs a capital letter.
Over all this was great piece, I thought you translated emotion really well. The only thing would to do more showing and a little less telling, You told me your entire life story but I want to SEE it.
I'm glad to see that someone who came from a troubled past is growing into and adult that I aspire to be!

Good Job and Keep Writing!!




Thisislegacy says...


Thank you. I honestly just needed to get this off of my chest and that is how I did it.





It's understandable. If you ever need to get anything off your chest that you don't want to put out in the open, please feel free to PM me.



Thisislegacy says...


I will. Thank you.



User avatar
235 Reviews


Points: 2200
Reviews: 235

Donate
Sun May 14, 2017 3:13 am
inktopus wrote a review...



Hey, Thisislegacy! Storm here for a review, so let's jump right into it!

To be honest, this doesn't seem to be in its best form. Really, a letter would suit this better. A poem is more for imagery and making the readers experience the emotions too. That said, I will critique this as a poem.

This poem is lacking in imagery, and the flow isn't really there. I think the problem with the flow lies within the irregular stanzas. Sometimes it works to have an irregular number of lines within your stanzas, but I don't think it works as well here. The problem with the imagery is that there isn't any.

I also want to talk about the content of the poem. I'm not going to bash you about your relationship with your mom, so don't worry. However, you don't really develop your theme. It just feels very shallow. Not shallow in the way that some people are, but shallow in the way that you haven't gone very in depth on the subject. It just seems like we only skimmed the surface. If you want this to stay a poem, you're going to have to dig deeper for that boiling black anger. You're going to have to make this even more intensely personal.

Overall, this poem wants for imagery and more depth. It has a lot of emotional potential, but you haven't achieved it yet. Definitely consider a rewrite!

Feel free to reply to this comment or shoot me a pm if you have any questions.

~Storm




Thisislegacy says...


Thank you for the review. I will work on it.



Thisislegacy says...


I rewrote this into a letter type format although not exactly. Tell me what you think.



inktopus says...


I think it is much improved, but very candid. I understand the need to make it sound like you are talking to her yourself, but it is unpolished. Overall, I think it works much better.



Thisislegacy says...


It is very candid. It might make sense to read the first open letter and comparing. I don't know. It might need more work.




“A good book isn't written, it's rewritten.”
— Phyllis A. Whitney, Guide to Fiction Writing