Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and mature content.
You think you deserve forgiveness
because you were a single mother
that made mistakes.
Drug abuse is not a mistake.
Child abuse is not a mistake.
Living in 12 different houses in 10 years is not a mistake.
-
You are supposed to learn from your mistakes
and not let them continue to happen.
You don't let someone choke your daughter
and act like it was a mistake.
You don't let your daughter starve
and act like it was a mistake.
You don't get to act like you cared about me
because it was a mistake.
-
You've already told me time and time again
that I wasn't supposed to be born.
I was a mistake, you shouldn't tell your daughter that.
You don't tell your daughter that her father wanted an abortion,
especially since it wasn't true.
-
Why did you try to kill yourself in front of me,
were we that much of mistakes?
I made a mistake by staying so long.
I had many chances of getting out,
if only I knew I had that choice.
If only I would have gone to the inpatient
when I was in the hospital for a panic attack
that happened during Christmas.
They would have let me free,
I already wanted to leave.
-
Was all the pain you caused me all these years,
just a mistake, dirty fucking mistake.
And now you want forgiveness,
fuck you.
-
You try telling me that my memory is a mistake,
that I saw something that never happened.
That phone call where you kicked me out,
a liars fucking mistake.
The reasoning why I got in that car,
a regretful mistake.
I should have known better.
-
If I wouldn't have gotten in that car,
I never would have had to file a police report
against you in 2 different states.
I wouldn't have had to deal with everyone thinking I lied.
I was never choked,
my panic attack was never recorded.
Everything I say never happened.
-
You were never addicted to drugs were you,
because you could stop any time you wanted.
I never starved, because there was "food" in the house.
I was just a dumb kid with dumb mistakes wasn't I?
-
And now you get to deal with your mistakes,
I will never forgive you.
I will not go to your funeral.
I don't want anything from you,
except for you to never contact me again.
You don't get to tell me
that my feelings are a mistake,
because the only mistake here is you.
Fuck you and all your mistakes.
-
A/N This is a rant, so if you could only review how the emotions are that would be great. And don't worry, I am not in a dangerous situation anymore, I live in my own apartment away from her.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,732 Reviews
Hello, I don't mean to downplay what you are going through, I also I'm not demeaning your poem. This is not a poem, I can't rate it as a narrative poem. The poem could have been great if we were kept abreast of what was happening and if it had a certain rhythm to it.
The beginning had promise by the way, just work on the delivery. I believe experiences are essential in making art wholesome, art that isn't borne from experience usually falls flat. The poem is already borne from experience it just needs execution.
Keep writing and good luck.
Hello Thisislegacy,
I'm not sure exactly what you're going for here. If you're looking just to rant - a blog may be more your bent. However, if you're writing poetry because poetry is how you want or need to communicate things which you feel, don't call them a rant! Autobiographical poetry is perfectly acceptable as a form,and what you have written here is an epistle - a poem directed toward/spoken to another person. Perfectly valid forms of poetry!
On to the poem itself: at the moment I would call it successful only in that it has directly and without question communicated a rage and disgust toward "mom". Your language is direct and honest but lacks encouragement for the reader to feel with you - they certainly sympathise with but I don't think that the poem asks them to empathise.
I would ask why you wrote this poem - just pushing out the negative emotions into concrete form? Do you want others to recognise and feel FOR you or WITH you - these two things are created through different avenues of writing.
If you are looking for your reader to sympathise, congrats you've done it! If you're looking for empathy I think it would be better/more engaging to include some visuals. At the moment your poem is a series of statements that you ascribe meaning to, but the meaning is, in some cases, arbritary - what are we meant to feel about "I wouldn't have gotten in that car"? It means, really, nothing to your reader and you don't explain it - is it the car that takes you to make a police report? That you ran away in? If it doesn't have significance, lose it. If it has significance, make us feel it - left the ink drying on the police report/state to state - would ask your reader to feel with you rather than for you.
Thanks for sharing, please think about what you're trying to convey and why!
- Penguin.
Thank you. I was just struggling with some emotions and I needed a way to get them out. There's other poems I have on here that look more like traditional poetry that show more of how I felt during the course of these actions, such as "Swimming on my own", "No!", "Rewrite of Attack", 'Let me go", and "Rollercoaster ride". Those ones I feel are the better ones of what I've written about her that might help develop the imagery that this one lacks. Legacy out.
Hello there! I'm VP.
First off, let me say that I am so sorry that you went through this sort of stuff. We may not know each other, but please know that my door's always open if you need to talk.
Second off, these are some really powerful and moving words. To some degree, I feel like I'm there watching you go through all of this... seeing this. The pain, anger, and sheer emotion that you've fit into a mere 60 lines is incredible. I'm not exactly a violent person, but... I'm pretty sure I'd slap your mother and give her a talkin' to. It isn;t right, none of it is.
Quite honestly, I'm struggling to put words together in a way that would make sense to people other than myself. It's really good that you are no longer in a dangerous position, and I'm happy you were able to get away from it.
Stay well,
VP
Thank you. I have other poems on here about her as well. (Most of them involve her in some way but especially open letter to mom 2 and 3 along with no are some of my better ones about her).
I'm so sorry. Thats... god.
its just makes me want to give you a nice, long comforting hug to be honest. if you like hugs of course! I know some people don't like hugs so if you want me to make you a cake, i can do that as well. Maybe some ice cream...
the emotions are just overwhelming to be honest. it makes me want to cry and also makes me want to just shake your mom and ask her why? just, god. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. jesus.
I'm just... sorry i guess. i honestly don't know what else to say.
- Cow
It's hard sometimes. To put this more in context you might want to read the other open letters to her if you haven't read them already. There's other poems on here besides the open letters but they give the most context.