Young Writers Society

Hey there! Just stopping by to leave a few comments:

I liked the punch line at the end and I also liked how the first stanza had effectively growing lines (this isn't great for flow, but does create cool imagery that goes with the contrast of crescendo to whispering).

One suggestion I have is I'm not sure your 1st stanza is actually a sentence, and I think if there was some subject that the reader was connected to it would have more punch. To put it more clearly, what is lost in the silence/hissing like burning glass etc. If it's the whisper and you're trying not to spoil it the subject could be "you" or "the sound".

There could also be a bit more figurative language, the images you did use felt a bit disjointed, like glass, to a phone, to a piano are all objects I wouldn't necessarily place together (this isn't necessarily a bad thing, just something to think about). I would also echo what I think niteowl mentioned that I'm not seeing what is satirical about this piece so the genre label is a bit confusing for me.

I think with a bit more development into clarifying the conflict and subject of this poem would go a long ways. But it was a nice piece and I enjoyed reading it.

Best of luck in all of your writing!

~alliyah

This is Nikayla here dropping in for a review!

I'm highly assuming at the moment that the last line here is more of an Author's Note rather than an actual ending to the poem. At the same time I'd like you to state that with a simple "Author's Note:" in front of that to keep from confusion. The first aspect of the poem that I noticed is that you've decided to capitalize the first letter of every line. I'm not saying it can't be this way because it is your stylistic choice, I just don't see how the piece benefits from this any more than just the usual capitalization. Though, if you can explain to me why it helps the piece (if it builds the atmosphere or just compliments the aesthetic) then I'll be more convinced.

I'm a little confused as to why you've listed this as satire. It acts and feels like a more serious poem, even if I do believe that it's a little melodramatic. Maybe that's why you've listed this as satire, though I'd like more context to what the poem is trying to make a joke out of. Satire is the use of humor, irony, ridicule, and other similar devices and is often classified as its own genre, though it's unclear where the actual satire to this is, and it's definitely not the way to write it.

Akin to Nite, I'd also like this piece to be less vague in the area of who the speaker is. Not only that, but in general I'd like to see this piece fleshed out. I understand that you're writing about noises as said in the title, but we don't get any expansion as to why. While there's a solid skeleton that includes metaphors such as the boy and the piano, we don't get any lead as to what you're trying to get across here.

Maybe your whole intention is for the poem to give off the sensory details that retain to hearing, and that's okay too. The reader, which in this case is me, just wants more context as to what the theme is. The intent of the piece. At the same time that's certainly not the only poetic device in poetry to keep mind of. Experiment around with this and see what you end up coming up with.

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day.

This review courtesy of

Hi there Thisislegacy and welcome to YWS! Niteowl here to leave a quick review.

To start off, I do think you have a lot of good lines and interesting metaphors. It's interesting to go from burning glass and a phone on vibrate to louder noises that could be buried just the same, like the yelling kid and the piano. The second to last line is also really cool.

In my opinion, the major drawback of this poem is that it's unclear to me who/what the speaker is and what they're trying to say. It's clear that they're feeling ignored, lost among the many noises of the world, but beyond that I honestly don't know. The fact that this is in "satire" also puzzles me...it's not clear what this is supposed to be satirizing, and I don't see a lot of humor in the piece.

To make this better, I would suggest thinking about your central message and reworking the piece around that, sort of like how you would write an essay around a thesis statement. Granted, this is poetry, so it doesn't have to be explicitly spelled out like an essay, but making sure your lines are cohesive and fit with each other and the central point would make the piece stronger. As it is, I see a lot of interesting lines, but they don't feel like they fit as a whole.

Overall, I like your creativity with metaphors. Keep writing!