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How are you doing?

by Thisislegacy


I haven't thought of you in so long;

I hope your little brother is doing okay.

He would be in high school by now right, 

does he have any friends?
-

I bet he took the move hard;

Going to a brand new place,

with no control with whats going on.

I hope he's doing okay.

-

How are your parents?

I know your dad always hated me, 

he thought I was trouble.

He always said horrible things about me.

-

How's your mom?

She always tried to be friendly,

although I could tell she didn't like me.

I appreciate her for that. 

-

How are you doing?

Were you able to move on,

last I heard a while ago

you were still wanting me?

-

All those moments we used to share,

those shadows that used to haunt me.

How do they treat you?

Does the thought of me bother you?

-

You never replaced the old photos 

of us all over your social media.

Why do you still keep those photos, 

when I saw you with someone else?

-

I don't miss you anymore,

although for the longest

being without you burned 

a hole at the bottom of my heart.

-

I'm glad I was able to move on, 

and can now think of our good memories

without drowning in my tears. 

Can you?

-

I'm curious about how you are,

did you start college classes?

I know it would be no good to ask,

I know that I shouldn't ask.

-

I know that it's good for me that you left. 

I know that's the only way I would be here today.

I'm glad you left me, 

although at the time you weren't thinking of me. 

-

You got bored of me 

and tired of my mother's drama;

Tired of your parent's disapproval,

and how much I clung to you. 

-

I shouldn't be wondering how you are, 

I burnt all your old love letters.

I know I don't love you anymore,

but sometimes you creep back in my head.

-

It's hard to push you out, 

you used to hold so much control over me. 

Always getting your way and making me feel

like I was never good enough for you.

-

You always wanted so much of me,

always wanted your way

and always wanted to torment me.

You evil snake, wish you were dead. 

-

But yet I can't help this feeling 

deep inside my heart after so long. 

I can't think of high school

without thinking of you. 

-

You were part of me for so long,

you were my first. 

But you've been gone for so long, 

and for that I'm glad. 

-

I'm glad that you never tried to reach out

when you were lonely and single.

Yes, I got with your old best friend. 

I'm still with him, I'm sure you see. 

-

Thank you for everything, 

although for the longest 

I couldn't deal with the pain

of losing you.

-

I probably shouldn't feel this way.

All the pain, the tears, the anger,

the laughter, the happiness

I hate you, but I thank you. 

-

I never want you back in my life;

I never want to see you in public. 

I never want to see you in my nightmares,

or in my daydreams. 

-

I've moved on, no love for you

inside my heart anymore. 

Is it okay for me to ask,

how are you doing?

-

A/N This is about my ex boyfriend that was abusive to me for almost 2 years during school. I will not message him but is it strange that I wish that I could, like if he didn't abuse me? I miss the moments when we were friends, but I know it's a terrible idea to message him even if I wasn't in a relationship. Any advice? I haven't talked to him in almost 3 years now. 


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12 Reviews


Points: 284
Reviews: 12

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Sat Jul 04, 2020 6:21 pm
Fadzie wrote a review...



This is a beautiful article and I really enjoyed reading it. I have nothing much to add to the article but maybe I can help on the advice part that you asked for. I know it's hard walking away from relationships even the toxic ones because at times you would have dedicated too much time and love in the relationship.


Walking away is the hardest part and since you have already managed to walk away keep walking my dear. It will get better with time and all wounds will be healed. Reaching out to him will not make anything better but may result in you going in circles and you may end up getting hurt even more than the way you were hurt before.

There be strong and keep going on with your life. If you really love you, you will not reach out.




Thisislegacy says...


I know I won't reach out. It's just been a thought that's gone through my mind. I've already been gone for 3 years and he has no idea where I am living and I don't believe he has my phone number either. I've long moved on but I find it strange that sometimes he will just fly through my mind for a moment.



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Tue Jun 30, 2020 6:50 am
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soundofmind wrote a review...



Hey ThisisLegacy,

I'm so sorry you were abused by your ex and that you went through that. That's really terrible. I can see the pain as you process through the layers of feelings that come with situations like this in the poem.

I probably shouldn't feel this way.
All the pain, the tears, the anger,
the laughter, the happiness
I hate you, but I thank you.

...

Is it okay for me to ask,
how are you doing?

I don't think it's wrong to be feeling anything you're feeling. How you feel about it is very real and valid. There is a very real pain you're experiencing and have experienced, and processing the loss of a relationship, even an abusive one, takes time. It's very natural to wonder how people in your life are doing, especially people you once cared about and who had a big part in your life. You can still love a person and not want to see them because it's hard to. No one says you need to welcome him back into your life, but I hope you don't feel like it's wrong to feel how you're feeling.

On a real note, if you're thinking of contacting him again, before you make any steps to or seriously consider it I'd ask yourself why you want to. I know in your poem you expressed wanting to know how him and his family are doing. You want to know if he's okay. Why do you want to know if he's okay? Will it give you more peace of mind? Will it help you move on more? Do you feel it will bring a sense of closure? Or would you be okay without knowing? Ask yourself some honest questions. Do you feel like you're in a place - mentally, emotionally - to reach out again? Do you have a support system around you to help if things do go as expected? What are your expectations if you do reach out?

All that to say, I don't have a lot of advice, just a lot of questions. This isn't an easy situation, and one poem doesn't tell me all the nuances of your life and your relationship with him, and how you feel right now. I can't give you the same advice a close friend could give who knows more about you, more about your life, and more about how he affected you. Take it slow, and don't feel like you should rush into anything until you feel ready.

Now, as for the poem itself, I feel like you articulated your emotions well. The flow feels nice and natural - it's like a train of thought but it feels intentional, and without rambling. I like how you come back around to the "how are you" question from the beginning at the end, and it gives it a nice, finished feel and helps it feel like a complete thought.

I like that though it's formatted as a poem, stylistically it's written more like a letter, addressing your ex directly. It's not just a poem about him, it's a poem to him. I hope writing it helped you get some clarity and just get some of it out there.

Small, more practical note on style and formatting - I personally don't think the "-" between each stanza is necessary. This is more just my taste, but I think just a space would do, but I also know formatting poems on YWS can be a bit of a headache, so that could also be the reason you stuck them in there. I think the dash in between stanzas gives my mind the impression that something is being separated because there will be a change - be it a POV change, a slight subject/topic change, or something else. Usually, when there are dividers in any text it's to separate different (but usually related) topics.

Anyhow, that's my two cents. I wish you best of luck and I hope you're doing well!

-soundofmind




Thisislegacy says...


The dashes are purely for formatting. I know I won't be contacting him because it wouldn't be smart. It's just a small thought that crosses my mind sometimes.



soundofmind says...


Totally valid. And I get you on the formatting!



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Tue Jun 30, 2020 4:23 am
TheStreamLights wrote a review...



Well, initial authors note advice (if I even have advice) is that moments don't last you were once friends but there comes a time to let go. If he abused you he doesn't deserve a message so you are right when you say "I will not message him but is it strange that I wish that I could". And I believe the reason you wish you could is if you guys were in a (literal quote on quote) ""relationship"" Its most likely unconventional love. Take for instance me and my mom I love her and never want to talk to her again, I don't want to see her on my doorstep saying she changed. I want her to change for my two baby brothers under her care. but unconventional love is where you naturally love someone in your heart but you shouldn't its only natural. Merely another thing to overcome.


alright time for the critique and compliments.

I like how you support his little brother, yet his brother was abusive (to my knowledge). what I like about this is the kindness that radiates this. You don't shift the blame beyond your EX, and that is an amazing thing. The same goes for his mother. And that line "those shadows you used to haunt me. how do they treat you?" just sends shivers down my spine it's so strong. This poem is my favorite of all the ones I've read
Like from me.




Thisislegacy says...


Thank you.




Attention is the beginning of devotion.
— Mary Oliver, Upstream