Young Writers Society

Hello! DragonNoir here for a review!

I think this is quite an effective poem. I really hope you'll be alright too. But, moving back to the poem, I like your rhyming pattern and the theme you've chosen. As well as this, I love this line:
"Sorry my head lies making you draw lines across your skin again"
I think you could've used some commas and/or full stops in some places. Full stops, I would say, should go on the end of lines which end a stanza. As for commas, I can think of two examples where you could've used them:
"Sorry, my anxiety..."
And
"Sorry, my head..."
Apart from that, I see nothing else wrong with it! I really like this poem!

Overall, a great poem, but you could use commas/full stops in some places in the poem.
I hope my review helped!

This is Nikayla here dropping in for a review on this Review Day!

The first aspect of this poem that I noticed is the rhyme, which from what I can tell, seems to be AA BBCC DDEE, and so on. What I don't understand is some of the rhymes and why the meter or line length changes so often throughout the poem. This reminds me a little bit of lyrics in a sense, though I understand that this is a poem. What I don't enjoy is that in some places there isn't really a rhyme which makes the piece inconsistent. I'll point out a particular part where this occurs.

Sorry my anxiety seems like another personality

Sorry my head lies making you draw lines across your skin again

Ayoooo Thisislegacy! Aleta here for a brief review on your poem. I'll mainly be discussing first impressions on this since its fairly short. The feelings in your poem are clear and out to see; nothing is really implied so you did do well on emotions. It reminds me of that "you can do your greatest...you can do your best" song. I think it's called hall of fame or something like that. The first two verses really caught my attention, perhaps because of the rhyme but because of the truth that also rang within it.

The next two lines also were pretty intriguing and kept me reading. Now the next two lines kind of muddled up the flow(I know you want to help me, /but this is how I can get set free). I think its the last line that disrupts the flow the most and makes it choppy, the first line is actually fine. I think it would sound better if you instead said "I know you wanna/want to help me, but this is how you will set me free." Just a thought/suggestion.

The next four lines were great. Rhyming really helped out this poem and made it awesome. Now... "Sorry my anxiety seems like another personality/Sorry my head lies making you draw lines across your skin again" I notice that the lines have become longer which is kind of jarring and throws the reader into a sad reality. The first line is good but the second line is kind of choppy and drawn out. I'd suggest saying instead "My apologies, for how my mind always lies. Making you draw lines
and lines
and lines
across your skin again." (just an example idk if this would fit or not.)

The last two lines really had a mindblowing impact so I liked that as it drew everything to a close.

Cheers!