Young Writers Society

Hi there Thisislegacy I am hear to do a review on your poem, the first thing that I notest was that a lot of the words are in bold why is that, Never realizing what my pain is about. I am not to shore about this it just sounds a bit wearied to me, A traffic jam in my head, what has Jam have to do with it all so I think that Jam is soaps to be a capital? Just thinking, Just thinking, I realy think that you do not have to pot tow in there,No one can see my tears
No one can hear my fears now this part I like but why on Earth hasent it got a foll stop pleas eksplan to me why, Chemical imbalance I am not so shore what you tring to say hear, This... thing I am not so shore that you need those foll stops there. That is about all that I can say about it @Thisislegacy.

Nicely written, Legacy. I enjoyed the flow of this very much. It's a good blend of both a poetic and realistic play-out of an anxiety attack, I think. You chose all the right words to bold (I haven't actually seen that usage of the bold option in other pieces before, so props for being more original than the average writer). For what this is (I mean this in a good way), this is well-penned. Great work, and keep on writing!

Hi Legacy!

This poem is amazing. It speaks for itself. I heard the voice of the poem (lol, not literally). It is so deep yet mesmerizing to know the feeling of someone being anxious. We all experienced anxiousness. It vary from person to person.

Which is true in this poem and that's what made it great. Keep up the good work.

Decided I would swoop in for a review,

I abosluttely love this poem, it is truly wonderful. Reading this was engaging and exicting. I could feel the passion in this writing and I have to say that you are an amazing writer. The amount of talent that I just read is super impressive.

That being said, I am a firm beliver that poetry is not excuse for bad grammar, but since someone has already reviewed that my biggest suggestion is to simply go back and check all of your punctuation.

With affection, Amethyst <3

Hello, Dino here for a review! Also, welcome to YWS!

I really like the form of this poem you here. Not only do you have a clear cut image in whole but you also have an secret image with the bolding of some of the words. While I do like the message you are trying to convey, I feel like you have picked a topic that nearly everyone has done before in some point of their life. While that may seem like a bad thing, it isn't because you've made it in your own style and way.

In some parts of this poem, there were places that the punctuation didn't feel quite right/used correctly. Towards the ending, you used ellipses instead of a period or something of the sort. I think ellipses should be used to continue a thought or pausing. I think what you could've done at the end was just end it with a period to end the poem.

This... thing

Anxiety

I know I will survive

But I don’t feel alive

Come find me

I’m drowning

In the seas

Of my insecurities

I said what You needed to hear

Do you believe me?

Do you believe me?

Believe me...

This review courtesy of

Wowie, wow, wow! The talent is sky-high! Hehe, welcome to YWS, Thisislegacy, and happy review day from the Papyrus team! I reaaaaaally loved this poem, and the fact that it rhymes and keeps the reader interested in what you're saying. Anxiety plagues many people unfortunately, and I happen to be one of them so I relate to this on some level. Anxiety the word just makes you feel stressed out, and you conveyed that in your poem with repetition. Since you're 16, I must also commend you for the natural talent that you seem to have acquired, and I hope you continue to write because I would love to read more of your poems. I don't believe this requires any correcting because I didn't find any faults. When I read this aloud, it sounded smooth and clear. So, again, keep writing, welcome to the site, and I ABSOLUTELY LOVED this! God bless!

~Keep <3

Hi there!

So, not going to lie, I totally just read the bold words first before reading any of the rest. I like that you emphasized a smaller message within the poem. It feels like a secret code for me to find.

I really like that in some parts of this poem, you get me to think about anxiety in a way that I don't often think of it -- how it affects relationships with other people who doubt themselves. You mention this concept here:

You. listen from behind the wall of your self doubt,

Never realizing what my pain is about.

This review courtesy of

Hey there! I thought I'd share some of my thoughts with you. C:

This is certainly a topic that a lot of people can relate to, I think! And I think you pretty accurately described what it's like to live and deal with anxiety. I get it for supposedly silly things like writing reviews and posting comments on FB, personally. Though what I think a lot of people tend to forget is that anxiety as a disorder is a lot more intense as apposed to anxiety the feeling that everyone has.

I also kinda liked your hidden message with the bold lettering! It's kinda neat. At the same time though I feel like the bold kind of breaks up the poem a bit and puts maybe un-intended emphasis on the words which are bolded.

Like I said, I think you described the feelings of anxiety pretty well, but it wasn't necessarily in a way that was particularly unique or different. Try using images that aren't commonly used to describe what you mean. For instance, instead of "I'm drowning" maybe try something like an image of being lost in the forest and not being able to escape the foliage- that wasn't the best example. What I mean is; don't be afraid to explore different ways of saying what you want to say. If you think you've heard something before, try altering so it has more flavour or think of a different way to describe it. But that's just my suggestion!

In any case, keep it up my friend!

-Socks