Une heureuse fille, tourne triste
toutes les choses dans sa vie
Elle a besoin d'amour
-
une faux amour
une maison brisée
une mére malade
-
Un père absent réapparaît
parce qu'il peut.
Il l'a toujours aime elle.
-
Elle sent se seule,
mais elle n'est pas.
-
Ses amis ne savent pas comment aider,
elle ne peut pas en parler.
Ils ne peut pas comprendre.
-
Elle assis seul,
essayant de ne pas penser
mais ça vient à chaque fois.
-
Elle besoin d'amour
ça ne fera pas mal cette fois.
-
Elle doit être libérée de ce poids sur ses épaules.
Elle besion bon amour,
Une amour profound
-
Elle veut être trouvee,
un peu amour,
belles ailes.
-
Penons en vol,
trouver l'amour
-
What do you guys think about this one? Should I translate this to English as well or is it prettier in French? Do you guys enjoy the content? Au revoir :)
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,732 Reviews
Bonjour!
I quite enjoyed your poem. My French is a little rusty, so it's hard for me to critique this on a real technical level, but I liked the feeling that gave me. The French gives it a very classical feeling. It reminds me of "La Vie En Rose" in a way, a sort of a companion piece to it. But that song is still really pretty in English, so I think it could work if you wanted to translate it and have both versions. I like that it's simplistic but still paints a really good picture. As far as something to add or change, I think you could streamline it even more so it's short and sweet.
Let me know if you have any questions!
I have the translation in the comments if you couldn't quite understand it. I like it better in French personally just because it wouldn't be understood without using google for my mother (she's hurt me a lot if you read some of my other works you will understand).
A TRANSLATION
A small girl, turns sad
all the things in her life
She needs love.
-
A fake love,
a broken home
a sick mother
-
An absent father reappears
because he can.
He has always loved her.
-
She feels alone
But she isn't
-
Her friends don't know how to help
She can't talk about it
They wouldn't understand
-
She sits alone
trying not to think about it
but it comes every time
-
She needs love
that will not hurt this time
-
She needs to be freed from this weight on her shoulders
She needs a good love
A deep love
-
She wants to be found
a small love
beautiful wings
-
Let's fly
to find love
I loved this! I'm currently learning french so, I enjoyed the challenge of translating and understanding the poem in what you could call, it's 'native language'. French always looks and sounds prettier than English in my opinion. Though it couldn't hurt to translate it so that it's easier for others to read.
I agree that French is prettier in its use than English but yeah I can see why people wouldn't try to write a review on it unless they knew some French. Did you understand what it was about?