Young Writers Society

I really like the idea's behind this poem, but it seems a little unfinished. I think you could develop your ideas more, use stronger word choice and maybe other literary devices. I relate to this poem in the fact that I always end up saying sorry even when I didn't do anything wrong. I would just go back and touch up some things here and there. GOod luck!

Hello! DragonNoir here for a review!

Honestly, this does seem quite rushed, but has a lot of potential to be even better. This is an effective piece of writing, don't get me wrong, it's just you shouldn't rush yourself when writing, that's when you start making mistakes. Even if you are testing the waters with something, you should try your best to show people what you can do.
The story itself seems to basic and flat; it has barely any depth as to why the mother wants her son/daughter to apologise and what for.

Overall, an amazing piece, but it can go into more depth. I hope this review helped

Greetings Thisismylegacy, from the After Watch shift. It's just lizzy dropping by real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.

I feel like the indents are being used for some sort of emphasis but to me, they're just adding distractions and distancing me from the actual meaning of the piece. It's being broken apart at awkward times, where the emotions should be hooked together but instead you're drawing them farther and farther apart. In the first stanza for example, the split between the powerful lines seems out of place because separately, they're not all that powerful. They just sort of hang off the edge and never really go anywhere. It's a hard concept to explain out loud to someone but basically the emotions don't connect in anyway that makes me feel them.

The repetition of words and phrases in lyrics and poems, often connects to a repeat emotion and added emphasis. I'm just not getting that effect from the first stanza with the second 'what you say'. I see that it's being used as a double cross of sorts, what each speaker is saying to one another but it just seems a bit too angsty.

Previous reviewer already covered all of things I was gonna talk about for flow and punctuation. So I guess really just onto the content of the prompt and the breaking of said prompt. This was a good idea to start with but it could use for a bit of mending and fixing here and there. I get the idea of breaking it (and it does seem necessary), the strength of the poem that you have here just won't support it. Like I said before, it's got potential, there's just a long road of editing ahead of you.

That's all I've got for now. Also welcome to YWS! If you have any questions about this review or anything else, just shoot me a pm.
~Lady Lizz

Hi! RippleGylf here.

First of all, welcome to YWS! I hope you enjoy being on the site.

I really like the way the hanging indent looks, though I fear it breaks the flow in some places, i.e.

"I am affected by what you say.

Don't you realize what you've done?"

is what you say to me.

This review courtesy of