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I dont know

by Thisislegacy

i hate being inbetween but nowhere really fits

I dont know where im going or where ive been

Who i was or who i will be. 

Of the two choices, none really work

I dont know where to go, what to wear or do.

I dont even know my real name or what to choose.

My mask doesnt get close to who i want to be

But the other option doesnt fit either.

I dont want to have to choose because between knowing who i am and what i should choose is a scale i dont belong in 

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118 Reviews

Points: 7386
Reviews: 118

Mon Apr 08, 2019 12:04 am
FabihaNeera wrote a review...

This is a nicely written poem - containing raw emotion and feeling! The message of this poem is relatable to anyone, and I like that you could write a poem like that - that can connect on a deeper level with every reader! I especially like the choice of using the lines "I hate being in between but nowhere really fits" and "my mask doesn't get close to who I want to be". These lines really capture how we can all struggle with identity, and it's definitely a really strong message.

I realize that you commented on how you wrote this on your phone so that may be the reason for the typos, but I can actually see it in a different light. The character in this poem hasn't entirely matured, so they are struggling to figure out their true selves. This kind of fits in with the writing style. I don't know if this is how you meant it to be, but at least you got my mind to think after reading this poem!

Well done

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562 Reviews

Points: 14535
Reviews: 562

Fri Apr 05, 2019 9:38 am
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...

Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a review for you, on this lovely day. I would like you give you a review for the nice things you have said on my works, and I would like to get this out the green room for you.

Let's get to it.

Let me just start out by saying this was a really well written poem, and I loved everything about it, the emotion, and the story behind your words. I think it flowed really well but there was a part were it didn't so much, but I will get to that in a moment.
I really like the name you have chosen for your poem. I didn't even know this poem was from you until I clicked on it and saw your name, it was really cool how the name just pulled me in and made me read it. Great job.

Okay now to the review.

I dont want to have to choose because between knowing who i am and what i should choose is a scale i dont belong in

Okay so the words in bold I do believe you meant to spell them like this, 'don't'? Now the next thing about this sentence is that you don't have any full stops or commas, and by not doing that it doesn't give it a good flow.

I hope this review helps you out, because I really loved reading and reviewing this, and I hope you will post a more works out on YWS soon. Never stop writing and have a great day/night.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix. :D
Reviewing with a fiery passion.

Thisislegacy says...

I wrote this on a phone. It wasn't intentional but thank you for pointing out how the flow doesn't work quite right.

Oh I didn't know you did it on your phone. It a bit hard writing on your phone. But I'm glad I could help.

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154 Reviews

Points: 2390
Reviews: 154

Fri Apr 05, 2019 8:56 am
4revgreen wrote a review...

Hey, Che here for a quick review!

First off, for a draft/quick idea this was honestly really good!

I could really relate to the point you were trying to get across, which is what you always want when writing poetry- to connect with the reader!

I think the structure could do with some work, as that last line is waayy too long! The line !Who I was or who i will be" was a little short in contrast with the rest of the poem, but with just a few tweaks, I think the structure would be fine :-)

There were two lines that rhymed - the ones ending in "do" and "choose" which I don't know if that was intentional, but if it was I would have liked for there to have been more consistent rhyming but however, if it wasn't intentional, it actually kind of worked and gave the poem a fresh little kick in the middle.

Overall, I actually rather enjoyed this poem and thought it got across a really clear point!

Keep writing!

Regards, Che :-)

"The day, which was one of the first of spring, cheered even me by the loveliness of its sunshine and the balminess of the air. I felt emotions of gentleness and pleasure, that had long appeared dead, revive within me. Half surprised by the novelty of these sensations, I allowed myself to be borne away by them, and forgetting my solitude and deformity, dared to be happy."
— Mary Shelley, Frankenstein