Being with you
Is like drowning in a sea of thoughts
Why don't you love me
Why did you hurt me
Stop pretending nothing happened
Just say that you lied
I don't want to be here
You suffocate me
Take the air out of my lungs
and place a weight on my chest
that I don't have the strength to move
You took away my innocence at a young age
and stole it for yourself
You didn't even need it
nor did you take it from your other children
It's not fair
Why did you treat me different from the others
Why am I the one you didn't like
What did I do so wrong to be treated this way
Let me go before I take my final breath.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,732 Reviews
Wow, I loved it. I feel like this poem could be about a lot of things but I'm guessing it's an abusive parent?
It took my breath away, I loved how you kept referring back to breathing like when you say "drowning" and "take the air out of my lungs".
I think it reflects the way children feel when adults abuse their power and treat their kids any way they want just because they can.
The poem shows a powerful message that I think many people can relate to, feeling a sense that they are personally hated by someone and not knowing why.
I liked how you put most of the first paragraph in italics, it was like reading thoughts from inside someone's head.
The line "why did you treat me different from the others" is one of the saddest but also one of the best.The last line confuses me a bit though, what does my final breath mean, death?
Overall, it was a great piece of writing.
Yes my final breath means death because of how she suffocated me.
I am no longer living with her but it's still hard because the court system is trying to make me visit her.
Hello, E.E here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! Grim is here as well, drinking hot cocoa and being a slacker. *Grim looks over, glaring* So, lets get started.
So, the first thing I notcied when I read this poem was that a bunch of places were missing commas and such. BUT I HAVE SAID IT BEFORE AND I WILL SAId IT AGAIN, IF. YOU. ARE. NOT. PUTTING. IN. GRAMMAR. PUT. IT. IN. AN. AUTHORS. NOTE. PLEASE. IT. WILL. SAVE. US. REVIEWERS. TIME. Thank you and moving on.
My favortie line of the poem would have to be "Why did you treat me different from the others" I personally, relate to this line. I am not sure what the poem means, since it could mean many things but on a parental level with this line, its how I feel about my father and mother sometimes. I feel like they either hate me or love me no inbetween.
Overall, I liked the poem and keep up the good work! So, happy Valentines Day ! I really need to go now, Grim has souls to reap and he needs more cocoa. He has a problem, seriously. Annnd I think he brought a dinosaur to life. Great. Anyways, Cheerio and fruit loops to you!
Wow. Just WOW. What is this about? Smoking???? I’m just going ti go with that. This is an awesome portrayal of what smoking does to a person and how the nicotine in cigarettes is very addicting and once you’ve started smoking it’s hard to stop and it’ll eventually kill you so good job with the ending.
“You took away my innocence at a young age” was very deep and a good add on to the poem great job overall. 9.5/10
~Cheers
I don't know where you got the idea of smoking, but this is about my abusive mother.
Well quite a great poem.The only ambiguity that gripped strong holds to every stanza of the poem is that it is not pretty clear,whom the poem is being referred to. The first stanza refers to quite a close friend who has probably broke your heart and went away without a word of apology or goodbye.Well,the approaching of the penultimate lines suggests that probably the person being referred to is a teacher who torments your very existence in school or it might be a parent or a relative who treats you badly.Well the line about taking away of innocence seems to be a bit out of place.Instead of this line, probably the line"stole the smile from my lips"could have adapted better to the surrounding you create by this poem.
However overall it is a lovely poem.Would love to read more of your works.
love this- review to come
Wow! This is sure a powerful message full of very strong resentment. Even though no exact details are provided for the feeling-the impression that it was something very serious is conveyed. Was it a teacher? Was it a parent? Was it another close relative? It seems by the context that whoever it was could not be easily evaded. Also that the abuser singled the speaker out for special treatment.
It reminds me of this female teacher I had in the third grade who singled me out. Her gaze was full of hatred and her voice seemed like the barks of a rabid dog. Once I was pinned under a pile of kids with my pelvic bone against the door entrance step. In indescribable agony I reached out to her to pull me out and she turned her back and walked away after giving me the hate stare. So it isn't the child that is at fault it is the adult that is to blame. You did nothing wrong. Sometimes just being born the wrong color can set a parent who doesn't deserve to be a parent off.
But your poem hints at something different because it mentions the taking of innocence.
This poem was about my abusive mother. What do you think my poem might be hinting at because I don't see it personally
I understood it as an abusive person luring the other in with pretending love only to get the person close enough and trusting enough to let him or her down. I experienced this personally. If indeed it is about your abusive mother-how can you not be seeing it personally?
I don't know what my poem might be hinting at, could you please tell me?
I never said it was hinting.
You confuse me.