J'étais avec toi

Junel

Review

Junel wrote a review · Wed Jan 03, 2018 5:49 am

Salut! I've been learning French for awhile so I decided to try checking this out to test my reading skills and I actually understood a good amount. I'm not sure what your own background in french is, but I see you used google and well I think it messed up.

I'm not fluent either so some of these could be wrong, especially because I'm on winter holiday and haven't spoken much french in two weeks. IDK, but at least these are the things I noticed (Ignore any you personally know are right)

Faire des choses que je pensais ne jamais faire.

This one I'm most sure about, and its that ne should be before pensais because negatives always make a sandwich around the verb.

Another thing is you don't use one tense, but many. I'm pretty sure you want it to be in past tense, and you mainly seem to use imparfait, but you do use passe compose in part.

Along those lines, I think I saw someplace with improper conjugation, but now I can't seem to remember where or find it. I'd just double check if I were you.

I love your poem though, it's really awesome!

Yeah anyway, I'm not sure how helpful this review is, but I'm hoping you'll find some use out of it, even if it's just to laugh at my limited french skills. I probably should have gotten my brother who is in AP french to help me, but I didn't think of that until now, oops. Feel free to ask questions about what I've said.

Bonsoir- Junel

Thisislegacy

Thisislegacy replied · Wed Jan 03, 2018 12:20 pm

I'm pretty sure I had my french teacher read this and check for any errors and she said it was fine. Thank you and I am glad you got some use out of my poem for practice

rosette

Review

rosette wrote a review · Fri Dec 08, 2017 4:22 am

How lovely!
I don't know much about French, but a poem written in that language does seem to have a certain romantic quality. I like how it looks. I can't read it, but hey, this is a super cool way to practice.

Like the other reviewers I had to pull out my Google Translate, so while I might understand the content, any special features the French version might have had (like alliteration or assonance or whatever) don't read quite the same in English. Also, I think trusty ol' Google got some tenses mixed up. :p

When I first read this, the first two stanzas seemed to stand independently. According to my translation (hopefully, it was correct), you're saying while you were with Person curiosity brought you closer, but fear made you hesitate; you've never been so close, you're learning new things, doing new things. So it sounds like a summary of your relationship so far; you're describing, telling us about it.

But the next two stanzas zoom in on a scene: you're in a car, and there is a kiss. (How sweet <3). It's not a summary or telling of anything; you're showing now. But just those four stanzas connected like that seemed a little disjointed. This whole poem is about this one scene, right? The beginning stanzas were vague concerning that. But again, like I said earlier, this might be partially due to translation errors.

I suggest you put the English version along with the French, in case you do this next time. Ooh, and if you were wondering if your French was incorrect, there is a Translations Club on here! I'm sure someone on this site knows French well.

Hope you found this helpful.
Thanks for sharing!

~rosette <3

zaminami

Review

zaminami wrote a review · Thu Dec 07, 2017 9:54 pm

Hello Thisislegacy! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!

~~Give me your soul.~~

With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!

Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
~~Strikethrough~~ = remove
Underline = krazy Kara komments.

Okay, I'm doing the English version instead of French to do everyone a favor and to make it easier on my Norwegian/English mind.

Spoiler

While,

I was with you{,}

Curiosity brings me closer{, but}

Fear makes me hesitate{.}

-

We have not been so close{,}

Learn things we did not know,

Do things that I thought {that} I would never do.

-

In my car we were sitting{.}

Both {were} so nervous{,}

Naive, innocent{.}

-

Finally{,}

You kissed me

So gently

Gently, but with the desire{.} {WHAT DESIRE DON'T LEAVE ME ON A CLIFFHANGER}

My interpretation:

Standard love poem.

In French...

which makes it even more romantic, since I'm pretty sure that French is a romantic language.

Overall:

~~side note before you read overall: I was listening to Kidnap the Sandy Claws from Nightmare Before Christmas and it clashed so much that I laughed~~

I loved it. Like snowmonkey said, it is a beautiful poem, even in French. Also, this teaches me a little about French :wink:

~~"doucement" is "gently," "finalement" is finally, "curiositie" is "curiousity," etc.~~

Keep up the great work!

Why haven’t you given me your soul yet? --

Kara