Young Writers Society

Alright, I see that this poem has much emotion and I do believe the emotion is strong. However, I do also believe the flow of this poem is set off a little by abrupt changes and a little confusing by word usage. Such as, 'begging for more; but I don't even want this fight', begging for more seemed to confuse me, another ' Hate, A poison I drink. It feels great, but not good for me I think?', your last statement seemed to lead me astray too. But on the flip-side I found this poem very true, deep, and even emotional as it shows the battle between hate and love and how the war wages on though you wish it wouldn't. All in all it was very good!

Wow!
That's really cool. It's a bit confusing, but truthfully, I think that's suites the poem, as it's about confusion.
I love the rhymes - I know that's not always the point of a poem, but it adds something to it for me.
Altogether, great!

This was a very interesting poem.

I am learning about the world wars at the moment so it was strange to find a poem on war. But, moving on.

Firstly I liked the fact this rhymed. Rhyming is good and I tend to be more interested in poems that rhyme. This means that I was interested in yours.

Secondly, I love the contrasts in this. 'Saved' contrasts with 'Blamed' and stuff like that. It adds tone to the poem and also makes it more interesting.

I could tell there was emotion in this but I couldn't see it very well. I think this was quite a....confusing poem. In a good way. However the emotion couldn't be seen very well and yet I could tell it was there.

All in all I think that, though this was a very good poem, you should probably make it less confusing. this comes in the editing, but once it is less confusing this poem won't just be great..it will be phenomenal.

(Of course this is just my opinion, so don't think that you have to change it.)

Hi Legacy, Honeymoon here for a quick review.

I wanted to say that you did a wonderful job developing the tearing emotion of having two sides and each of them fighting against each other and the narrator isn't sure which one is right and which one is wrong. I think the title definitely fits the poem itself and I enjoyed how you wrote from both perspectives of how you feel with love and hatred.

I think the structure you used was appropriate for this but there are many ways you can tackle an emotional poem like this one and use a different structure that may or may not portray more emotion. I can see how you wanted the reader to relate to the narrator and possibly feel the struggle and sadness the narrator feels, but as I read this, I only feel very little of it.

Throughout the beginning of the poem, the beat and rhyming is pretty consistent, and so was the emotion which made me keep reading. But in the 6th stanza, you seem to try and combine 2 stanza's into 1 which throw off the beat and consistency I saw with the beginning and end of the poem. I also want to comment on how the rhyming, in some places, seems a bit forced and/or out of place.

Overall, you did a pretty good job portraying the topic of the poem and how the narrator feels, but sometimes it is best to stay consistent with the stanzas and try not to make the rhyming seem forced to help the flow.

Keep writing! <3

Hey there Thisislegacy! Tom here, I'll be leaving you a review.

I'll be leaving a short review mostly sticking to the guidelines of your author's note as requested.

In terms of the structure, I think it fits well with the rhyming scheme you went with. I'm assuming the rhyming was intentional seeming as some of your diction goes out of the way to keep it going. The majority of the lines aren't very long and some are two or three words, but this doesn't prevent the poem from flowing well and being an enjoyable read. The story or emotion you are conveying is in no way difficult to find and define. I think that along with the flow I mentioned earlier makes the poem very strong and sturdy as it is.

In terms of conveying emotion, I think you did the job pretty well. As mentioned in the previous paragraph, the emotions you're displaying are clear and easy to understand. My only critique would be perhaps to reword a good amount of the lines to make them longer. I think its harder to convey emotion with a smaller amount of words when compared to longer lines with more in depth diction. That's just my personal opinion, and I don't want you to take what I'm saying as your poem not developing any emotion

Overall this was a very nice read and the flow as a whole was easy and not very forced. The emotions are there, but I feel like they could be a bit more developed if you developed the lines themselves more. I don't think you would have to change the format, however. The simple four line stanzas worked well.

I hope you find something useful out of my review. If you wanted to hear anything else just let me know so I can further improve future reviews of mine!

-Tom

Hey there, you get the joy of being the green room review I do to try and reclaim my spot at the top of the day's leaderboard

First things first, I'll respond to your author's note.

I'm not really sure how useful your structure is. It's a pretty simple stanza format and simple rhyme scheme. That allows it to scan really easily and it actually comes off feeling really smooth. Idk if that's what you were going for, but given the content, I suspect not. Although, if you were looking to build emotion, maybe you didn't want too many interruptions. I'll get back to that in a second.

What you could do with your structure to make it play a part in the poem's content is vary it more. You have one stanza that's not four lines long and it's not, as far as I can tell, at a particularly pivotal point of the poem. Shorter stanzas can give greater shocks, jolt the reader. These could be useful for mic drops. "I'm done" could be a stanza all on its own, needing nothing else to express your frustration. Alternatively, a really long stanza can build up and up like a climax. The one you have does this, but you could always use more, or build up stanza length throughout so that the whole thing is one big climax, perhaps followed by a mic drop that would be even more impactful for shattering my expectations.

Emotion building: I get the emotion very clearly from this, so well done for that. I get that someone doesn't want to live these extreme emotions anymore, that the feeling of love isn't worth the feeling of hate, that it's too severe a pendulum. The issue here is that I get where you're going from the start, and it's pretty powerful from the start, so it never really feels like it's building. That could be fine, if you want to have one big punch in the face. For that I'd recommend a slightly shorter poem.

However, I do want to talk about what I think you did really right as far as making that emotion strong so that you know what to continue doing. Your imagery was really helpful. There was a lot of being pulled apart, which shows the inner conflict. There was also a reference to war, which shows the endlessness, the hopelessness that you are stuck in the middle of. Good job here.

I think that's all I can think of for now. Let me know if anything needs clarified,
Biscuits