Surrender

by Thisislegacy

Published February 26, 2018

16+ Mature Content

In Poetry

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.

I am depression

when I can't sleep at night. 

When I lay in my bed crying 

until I can't breathe. 

I try to hide you, 

but I surrender. 

When I am depression, 

that is all I am. 

-

I am anorexia

when I don't eat for 6 days. 

When I love the hollow of an empty stomach, 

and don't want the feeling to go away. 

I try to hide you, 

but I surrender. 

When I am anorexia,

that is all I am. 

-

I am anxiety 

when I tear my fingernails. 

When I talk quiet and 

when I can barely think straight. 

I try to hide you, 

but I surrender. 

When I am anxiety, 

that is all I am. 

-

I am multiple personality disorder

when I switch from myself

to someone else. 

When I act different, 

talk different, 

walk and laugh different. 

I try to hide you, 

but I surrender

When I am multiple personality disorder, 

that is all I am. 

-

I am love

when I kiss your lips. 

When I pull you closer, 

and tell you my deepest secrets. 

I don't hide you, 

and I surrender. 

When I am love, 

that is all I am. 

-

I am what I surrender to. 

Comments & reviews · 5
User avatar
Kanome
Review
Kanome wrote a review Review · Mar 4, 2018

Hey there. Kanome here with a review. Let's get started, shall we?

First off, this poem brings out a lot of emotion. What I got from it was sadness, hurt... And I feel really sad for the person or anyone for that matter who feel this way. Whoever is feeling this way, I wish I could really help them, speak to them and listen to their feelings.

Anywho, there isn't really much to critique on grammar or punctuation wise. So that's good, right?

Keep up the great work! I can't wait to read more of your writing. Keep writing and enjoy your day!

- Kanome

Thank you man, sorry I didn't answer sooner. I've been busy. I've got plenty of earlier works on here if you want to read those while I am working on another one.

Random avatar
megan17
Review
megan17 wrote a review Review · Mar 4, 2018

Hello! Megan17 with a review! I really liked this poem. I could definitely feel the emotion you put into it which makes it that much more fun to read. I also liked how you added repeating lines, I have done that in some of my poems and I think it adds a neat effect. I reeally loved your first stanza, "I am depression

when I can't sleep at night.

When I lay in my bed crying

until I can't even breathe.

I try to hide you,

but I surrender.

When I am depression,

that is all I am. "

The one critique I have about this, is maybe take out even in line four. That will make it a bit stronger. Overall very lovely poem! I hope to read more of your work sometime.

-Megan17

Thank you man. I agree and will take out that even. :). I have earlier works on here until I have the time to write another one if you want to read :)

megan17 replied · Mar 8, 2018

Good to know, I will be sure to check them out!

User avatar
Lives4Christ24
Comment
Lives4Christ24 commented Comment · Feb 27, 2018

This is awesome, it really shows the things people struggle with. And you are a slave to sin, if you don't give it all to Jesus. I have never struggled with anything serious, but in your poem I understand. I think this is a beautiful work of art. One thing: what you struggle with is not all that you are, by saying this the poem sounds depressing. Keep it up.

I'm not religious at all. But thanks for the thought..

I don't think Christianity is a religion , I think it is a way of life.
Sorry if I seem really touchy, it just bothers me when people say I'm religious .

Sorry about that. I didn't mean any harm. :)

User avatar
kid1809 Comment
kid1809 commented Comment · Feb 27, 2018

That is a classic example what a great poem looks like......keep it up friend

Thank you man.

User avatar
Begstita1 Comment
Begstita1 commented Comment · Feb 27, 2018

This is a great contribution to poetic world. The complex and expository nature of the poem drives me through. Thisislegacy there's no denying the veracity that you've mastered grammar and clarity you have to work on parallel lines.

I'm sorry, what about parallel lines do I have to work on? I don't understand.

I'm sorry, what about parallel lines do I have to work on? I don't understand.

I'm sorry, what about parallel lines do I have to work on? I don't understand.



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