Young Writers Society

Hello legacy!
I hope you're doing well.

I'm not much of a reviewer of poetry, but I wanted to share my thoughts and focus on the content.

This is relatable, and to be honest, I've had thoughts like this, questions as you have here, running through my head. So the crying... a lot, the "Do you even care?" "Can you still see me?" ... That got me, man. It really touched this dusty ol' part of my heart I thought I forgot about. Which is a good thing, I promise.
But ugh, terrible, horrible, painful teen drama.

That's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about.

What makes this unique?

I don't know if you wrote this based off personal experience, or if it was just a quick little idea you had to jot down. Either way, this experience you wrote about is common. Stupid jerk of a guy does something, leaves heart-broken girl crying alone at night, wondering if he ever really cared. I've experienced it, maybe you have, and I know for a fact, tons of other people have, as well. So, my question once more: what makes this story different?

Tell us about the guy, the memories you (just using "you" as an example here) made together, how intimate you guys were. What were these "memories"? What physical features of his did you absolutely adore? Did he ever tell you he loved you? And when did things start changing? He just one day showed up with the new girl? This whole poem is focusing on the aftereffects of that, so I'd like to know what happened. Maybe not give us an info dump, but a little nugget would help.

I think my favorite part was the question "Do you still care?" followed by: "If you do, please show me soon."
Like, if that doesn't capture it all... It doesn't matter how desperate she may seem, or how hopeless the situation or even how pathetic it looks. Just - come back! Please. </3

I can't say much else, though I did think the format was weird and choppy.
Sorry if I sounded harsh or anything, and hopefully you found this helpful.
Have a great day, legacy, and keep up your writing.
~rosette

I AM CRYING
WHY
WHY DO YOU YWS POETRY WRITERS MAKE ME CRY BECAUSE OF YOUR BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN POETRY
I LOVE THIS
THIS BRINGS BACK RELATIONSHIP MEMORIES OF THE PERSON I STILL AM IN LOVE WITH, AUGHHHHH THE FEELS MAN THE FEELS
PLEASE POST MORE LIKE THIS AND I'LL PROBABLY CRY AGAIN BUT IT'S OKAY PLEASE DO

This one is so touching, It's like I can hear your voice whispering in my ears while saying this lines. For me, the overall thought and the content is great. I can feel my heart breaking while reading this poem- but, I'm not that fond with how the poem is constructed; the spacing, the formatting and the whatevers. Well yes, it has a positive effect because it's like each line has a very deep meaning and emotion behind it but when you read the lines altogether it sounds kinda strange. But anyway keep it up. That pent up feelings that your holding back; the pain and the longing, I hope next time it turns into something more positive. I wish you all the happiness in the world, keep up the good work!

This is good. It touches you and you feel a relationship with the speaker. I too have been through hard breakups and sometimes I feel exactly like this. I often wonder, what did I do wrong? Or did you even ever love me?
What I found wrong with it was how you wrote it. The one line sentences kind of broke off and didn't flow that well. And with the eminem line, maybe come up with something more...original? Anywho this was good and I enjoyed reading it and it made me wonder about my life. Ok. That sounded strange. But keep writing. Hopefully your next installment will be...happier.

Love until later (I don't know what that means at all)

Niko

Hey there! Shey here for a review!

I enjoyed this poem, despite I myself having no experience with break ups, and thus no relation to the meaning of this poem.

Going directly off of your author's note, I'll start with what I think should be improved, and then finish with what I think is great.

Firstly, I'll comment on the formatting, and I'll be upfront. It's weird. The hyphen break makes it seem like you when for each line to have its own stanza. I've never really seen someone try that before. Honestly, I'm not too big a fan of it, and would suggest you change it back to regular stanza organization.

At some points in the poem, I noticed the rhythm was lost. For instance, the Eminem line, and the car-in-the-river line. I feel like they were too long to match the relatively short lines which make up the bulk of the piece. My suggestion would beti simply find an appropriate places and break the lines into two lines, maybe even three if you're daring. This should fix any major issues with rhythm. Other than those longer lines, the rhythm seemed to be en pointe, so I've got nothing else to say regarding it.

As for what I liked. The amount of lines which were questions was a great idea, because it reflects the feelings of a rejected (presumably) teenager. Constantly asking questions, thinking over the past events, etc. All these were really well-captured in your piece, so good job there!

Despite my issue with the rhythm, I really loved that Eminem line. I did google the lyrics, because I was unfamiliar with the song, and definitely thought that was a nice touch. It gets a message across, but only to the people who know the song or googled it. This way of expressing something so rudimentary, a break-up, makes it unique. You took a common theme of a poem and discussed it in a new way, which is great.

Overall, great job! I'm sorry if this was based on true events, and if so, I hope it gets better for you. Keep up the great writing, cause I look forward to seeing more from you!