Young Writers Society

Hi there Thisislegacy I have come to right a nother review on you poem, so lets get strat into it, stranger, stranger, in my mirror okay so the foerst thing is that I think that you only have to say stranger wones I think, won't you show me where i went. this does not make sens at all to me, stranger with my wicked eyes, with this I think that you should say stranger with wicked eyes so no my cos you are not the stranger our you, a tainted smile, okay what does tainted meen egsaktley, stranger, where have i gone you seem like you are talking to your self hear in this part, and what is your name? so now you are talking to someone else not you see it is all swapping from you so someone else, was I easy to steal? this is a bit stanch to me, A/n Did I express the emotion well with this? How can I make it better? with the A/n what dose that say coss I can not read it, so that is all that I can say about it so keap up with the good work.

From @MoonFlower

Hey,
Firstly, I really loved this poem, it was short and snappy and just portrayed the definitiveness of the speaker's state, like there's nothing she can do to get back to her innocent self.
In terms of expressing emotion...for me, I felt like there was a certain numbness to the speaker. Of course that too is an emotion but I'm guessing you meant emotion of heartbreak and sadness? Anyway, it's not a bad thing in my opinion, I thoroughly loved this poem and the emotion portrayed or lack therof tells a lot. I kind of felt like the speaker is detached from the whole situation, and that links to how there's a stranger in her reflection and not her, almost like she's being invaded. Dont get me wrong, there is a slight tone of nostalgia in the end when the speaker talks about being stolen, but for me I picked up on the numbness first.

If you want to add those particular emotions of sadness and grief maybe add a description of the speaker's eyes, to contrast with the stranger's "wicked eyes". Also, to add more emotion you could italicise some words, so your not literally telling the reader anything but they can infer from the way it's written that there's a certain emotion being conveyed? For example I would italicise "why me". Also maybe use harsher verbs, for example instead of "take" you could say "snatch" or something that implies it was forcefully taken away from the girl, her innocence that is.
And i don't know if it's intentional but shouldn't there be a question mark at the end of the second line and "why me"?
Anyway lol I gave loads of suggestions but believe me I really loved the simplicity of the poem, I loved how helpless the speaker sounded. It's a great poem!
Thanks

Hello, E.E here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! Grim is here as well, drinking hot cocoa and being a slacker. *Grim looks over, glaring* So, lets get started.

SO, the first thing I noticed when reading over the poem is that one or so lines are in need of the Grammatical Medics. Meaning, it needs a comma. That lonely, little line would be "stranger, stranger, in my mirror". Otherwise, nothing else needs a comma. BUT, please remember to put in an authors note to alert us readers when you are not capitalizing. Please.

Overall, I liked the poem and keep up the good work! So, happy Valentines Day ! I really need to go now, Grim has souls to reap and he needs more cocoa. He has a problem, seriously. Annnd I think he brought a dinosaur to life. Great. Anyways, Cheerio and fruit loops to you!