Hello! Irid here with a review.
First off, I love black out poetry! It's such a beautiful form of writing and I'm really glad you did this.
Now, I understand you're working with what you have on a page, therefore the specific words you want may not come out grammatically correct, so that's okay. I did see a few things that I would like to edit that are very simple. There are people that don't know what black out poetry is, so the small stuff at least has to look good.
I took a deep breath and emptied my mind Pain pierced me like a hundred of needles,
I would uncapitalize that "P". It just looks rather strange, and maybe add a comma or a semicolon after "mind". Just my suggestion.
The sun was setting I look to the sky.
Soon, the moon would rule it,
So after "setting", I would probably add a semicolon or a comma, and then on the last line, I would get rid of the comma at the end.
I'd of course like to touch on the subject of the poem itself, also.
I really like the tone of the poem, but I'm a bit confused. I noticed you used the hyphens to break up the stanzas/couplets. I didn't know if it was all one uniform poem or they were small poems broken up. If it's a uniform poem, each line fits really well to the topic for it being a black out poem, which I absolutely love. I'm super glad I got to read this and thank you for taking a hit at this. It's absolutely wonderful and I want to see more black out poetry from you. Thank you for the good read!
-Iridescence
Points: 874
Reviews: 232
Donate