Life can be so unpredictable.
Life keeps probing one until there is no will left to live it.
Death is what a loser like me deserves.
I have no hope of imagining my future.
-
There is no one in sight.
There are no trees, no breaks on the horizon,
just cold hard ground and the stars,
Starlight is peace. It was simple, it doesn't ask anything of you.
Everything else is chaos.
-
The sky transforms itself into a whole new colour spectrum,
purples and blues and pinks,
the pinpoints of light scattered on its surface like droplets of white paint.
My fingers towards the horizon, imagine brushing against it.
-
I never want to say goodbye to this sky,
to this perfect vastness where there was nobody else to bother me.
No parents to disappoint.
No mistakes to make.
-
A part of me just wants to stay here forever.
To be alone.
This part of the night, no matter how hard I try,
devotes itself to unwanted memories.
-
People are unpredictable.
Stars aren't.
The stars welcome me with open arms anyway.
A/N I wrote this using 2 different works. And I also made some slight changes for grammar and from third person to first person. Other than that I didn't change any of the words. Tell me what you like about this, what you don't, and how to make this better. Legacy.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,732 Reviews
Ayoooo Thisislegacy! Aleta here for a short, brief review. I'll just talk about what I felt or got from this poem. The conflict between wanting to die and leave this world but also wanting to not do it so they may not let their family members grieve and to not leave the sky is quite strong here. It's a great, prevalent theme. The conflict is what makes this poem good. The ending especially got me because the speaker said earlier that they don't ever want to leave and want to forever look at the pretty sights of the sky but that also the stars would welcome them. The lack of passion in the beginning compared with the passion displayed in the colors of the sky was great. Your poem had a lot of conflicting ideas and things running amock which really made it an interesting read.
Cheers!
Thank you. I wasn't even trying to make this into a suicide poem but I guess that is what happened. I struggle with the thoughts so that could be what came through.
Hi, J here for a review.
I read your first one like this and I have to say this one was better. The content was awesome and the emotional connection that you make with your writing shines with this piece. Your endings are alway the best part of these blackout poems and you did not dissapointed when I saw this one. There is so much suspence that builds up at the end that I almost want to say "write more" but you give so little that I want more but the suspence is just enough.
There is no grammar mistakes to speak of and the format was just as compelling.
If I had to give this poem a grade it would get an A
Good Job and Keep Writing!!
Thank you for the review.
Sorry I really should have proofed this before I put it up, you can barely understand it.
I get the main point of what you were trying to say.