Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
You come in when I need you
and battle my dragons and demons.
You slay them with your bloody sword
without even breaking a sweat.
-
You come to my tower
filled with traps to capture trespassers.
You don't get caught,
you know just where to go.
-
You come to where I stay,
hiding from what is inside me.
You save me from my damned world,
you take me away to our fantasy.
-
You save me from my torture
and take me to a land of make-believe.
A place where everything is perfect,
and nothing goes wrong.
-
And when you need to be saved,
I am there for you too.
I am your heroine,
the one in shining armor.
-
The one that saves
and the one that gets saved.
We help each other
and I don't ever want to lose you.
-
Save my world,
before it burns in flames
taking me with it.
Don't let me burn.
-
Save my world
and I'll save yours.
Together a team,
we save our worlds.
-
A/N Legacy here. I wrote this quickly. Tell me how to make this better or if I have the emotion shown well. Let me know what you think. Legacy out.
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139,784 Literary Works • 672,764 Reviews
Hi, J here for a review.
Aww, love what a wonderful thing. Ask anybody what they most written about topic is they are gonna say "Love" even though you have written about a very overdone topic in a very overdone and cheesey setting, I still found room in my heart to love it. You created this beautiful story and made it rhyme, I like your characters they seem very fantasy world but with a bump in the relationship. I found no grammar mistakes and your rhyme was pretty much flawless. Sorry if this was no at all helpful I am in between class periods and typing as soon as the words come to my brain.
Good Job and Keep Writing!!
It's all good. Thanks for the review.
Good job. I like the relations to fairy tales. There's a lot of emotion shown here, and your poem captures it beautifully. Keep writing!
Thanks for the review. If you like this work, I think you would enjoy some of my other works as well.
I like this! Maybe I'm biased, since it reminds me of my own characters and their relationship...Even if it didn't make me think of that, I'd enjoy the poem. The symbolism is goo. It's nice to read about a healthy relationship and not a tragic or abusive one. (I like tragedies in writing, but there are so many out there, you know?)
Overall, I can't find anything wrong. Keep writing.
Thanks for the review. If you have the time, you would probably like some of my other works as well.
I love this poem! It perfectly captures what a good relationship should be like.
Also, I like the use of medieval/fantasy imagery to illustrate the protagonists' struggles. The emotion is shown very well in my opinion, too. I don't think that you have much to improve upon, but I wish that the poem was longer, although that might be because I like it so much >u<
Thanks for the review
. I don't really know how I could make it longer without making it repetitive or annoying.