Empty lines of hopeful lies.
I don't know how to reach for help.
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Sinking, sinking.
Anchor weight full of sorrow.
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Stained pillows
with broken dreams.
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,732 Reviews
Hi there my friend I came to do another review on your poem, first of I think it should be a bit longer than this, Empty lines of hopeful lies. this dos not make much sense in away, I don't know how to reach for help. I think that there should be a bit more in this so like you could say, I don't know how to reach for help when I need it. See I am not changing anything I am adding to it to make it better, Sinking, sinking. I do not think that you need two of those Sinking words, Stained pillows that should have a comer and it dos not make to much sens to me, that is all that I can say about it so keap up with you good work.
From MoonFlower
It took me a few re-reads, but here it is.
I really liked this poem, though I do wish there was more of it. I feel like a little more narration would help to clarify the theme. Just a thought. I feel that the second to last line would perhaps flow better if it went "Pillows stained", instead of "Stained pillows". It would make more sense going into the last line, but it's definitely not a necessary change.
On "Anchor weight full of sorrow", I feel that maybe it could be rephrased so that it makes more sense. Perhaps "An anchor weighs me down with sorrow" or "The weight of the sorrow pulls me down". Again, the poem is still excellent without this change, but I feel it may make it easier to read.
I don't know if I can even give you any critiques...
Hello. Here for a quick review.
A very short but interesting poem, like omg! I was carried away. Could you please do a remix and make it a bit longer pls.
Sounds like a lover who's broken hearted for the first time.
Really interesting I must say. I don't have very much to say though but you u did a really great job here!
Felt like I was connecting with the poem!
Nice one!
I actually wrote this meaning to have it longer but it doesn't feel like it should be anymore. I don't even know what I could add to it or anything. Thank you though
Thank you.
This poem is short, but also very interesting. My suggestion is maybe to add a few more lines. overall this poem is very good. I can relate to it really well, and the figurative language use is really good. The tone of this piece is very outwardly spoken, which is always nice for the reader. I loved how you took a topic and stuck with it. I really do think more could be added to the poem, but its just something I'm suggesting. I think your an amazing writeer overall. Good Work!
Thank you.