Vodka

First things first are you ok now? Second thing second are you Russian? (because of the theme, you know?!) You don't have to answer on the second one if you don't want to..
I like this poem, I want to see your soberly written poems so don't you dare doing something bad to yourself I had a time I loved to drink, usually Whiskey, So that feeling I do know. It's indeed a clear liquid that makes you forget.
My favorite simile would be

"You make my stomach feel
Like a forest fire that can't be put out,
nor wants to."

you feel dizzy for awhile. no pain. pain comes when dizziness goes. But dizzy people don't feel the urge to stop the fire. I read other reviews to and even though I agree with some of the things willard said I'm glad you didn't change vodka to viagra . Yes the topic is hackneyed, but the way you wrote it is really original. I want to see more poetry written by you.

all the sensitive 11 year olds on this website are fuming at the mention of *gasp* alcohol. and frankly, I think its hilarious (not the poetry of course). so let's start the review, shall we? first of all, I love romanticizing of vodka, you never see it because everyone goes for whiskey or beer. I feel like vodka is a little underrepresented and I applaud you for this. Second, i think that there might be too many fire analogies (if thats even possible). i would suggest going further into the feelings, further into the depression and sadness that caused the drinking and not so much the drinking itself. other than that, i love it. keep writing my dude

There is nothing I love more than romance poetry and alcoholism.

Hey, Thisislegacy. My name is Willard, it's the first Tuesday of the new year, and I have a review for you. It's been a very long time since I've reviewed any work, let alone poetry, so pardon me if there are some grammatical errors/my analysis is rusty. I'm just trying to get back into the groove of things so if it doesn't go smoothly for you, it doesn't go smoothly for me either. I also apologize if the review is harsh. Only trying to give you the best critique I can, and I'm sorry if it isn't that helpful.

Ready?

The biggest strife I have with this poem is how it was delivered. It is so hard to write a poem without any form of imagery or symbolism or metaphor or motif. If poetry didn't have those devices, then the average poem would be a line long blatantly stating the message of the piece. It's called art for a reason, and I believe it's one of the most purest forms. What makes it tricky, however, is how you decide to portray it. In order for the message to be effective, the devices must be strong, powerful, and most of the time, fresh. What really hurts a lot of poetry is when they rely on metaphors or imagery that has been retread a thousand times and the poet doesn't do anything to add variation of it. Shakespeare's "Shall I compare thee to a Summer's day" is a victim of this. "Your love is like my sunshine!", "you cast a sun on my dark cloud", "I can't live without you like plants can't live without the sun", yada yada yada, lines that every poet has written. You could write a poem using lines like that and I can guarantee you it is word-for-word a poem someone else has written and you are unintentionally plagiarizing.

If you narrow down the genre to "Angsty Teenage Romance Poetry", what is the most commonly used motif/poetic device?

That's right. Alcohol.

Specifically Vodka.

I can see why. I don't know why so many teens drink it at parties, but there's an abundance of it in the world. Like, I'm pretty sure the only way to prevent it would be a potato famine, but those are devastating. In poetry that talks about love hurting and having a reliance on another person, they always use vodka. And after so many have been written, it demands for more experimentation/ways to make it unique. Not to make it perfect, but to make it at least somewhat different from what has been previously created and for the author to have a distinct voice. Voice is very important.

It feels like I have read this before. No line is particularly sharp or specifically creative. This heavily damages the ability to not only make an effective poem, but to preserve the artistic quality of it all. This isn't a knock on the writer, but instead, what you chose to tackle. The most general suggestion I can give before I dive into this deeper is to pick something newer. Not vodka nor any type of painful experience, but something that isn't that predictable. Personally, I'd choose Cialis or Viagra, but you and I are different people, so you do what calls for your heart.

Now I'm actually going to break it down line by line (for the most part).

I love your burn,

It's like a fire inside my throat,

lasting just a moment

but affects my life forever.

I drink you from the bottle,

a clear liquid that makes me forget.

Makes me float when I begin to sink.

You make my stomach feel ablaze

Like a forest fire that can't be put out,

nor wants to.

You make my breath smell,

it's hard to hide your musk,

but it's okay,

I only drink you when I'm alone anyways.

I shouldn't breathe you in,

but you are so hard to resist,

not when you save me from drowning in stress.

The burn makes me feel pain,

because I'm afraid to leave marks across my skin

-

I dream of it though,

leaving lines of red across my arms

possibly even one too many and make me not awaken again.

That would save me from a life I can't live.

Vodka, help me life another day.

Sorry to hear that you are so dependent on alcohol and that you are considering suicide. My experience with alcohol was negative,. It almost got me killed once. It also resulted in my having to suffer hangovers. There is also the danger of getting ulcers of the esophagus and stomach lining as well as permanently damaging the liver because the liver has to detoxify the alcohol and is damaged by it. One young ma died at age thirty from liver damage. You can't replace a liver. We are only given one as opposed to kidneys of which we have two
So if we ruin the only one we have we are screwed.

That having been said, you express the emotion very well.

suggestions

help me life [live]

it's hard to hide [It's hard....]

I love your burn, [burn[.]]