Hey there, I'll be reviewing your piece today!
I love how you start and end in question form. It was a little rocky at the beginning; I saw a whole bunch of questions and began reading, unsure of the poem. Then it kicked off to some well written imagery, describing shadows, eyes, anything you could. Because you ended with questions, I felt that instead of this order:
What is love is a mere mortal?
Will you still fall in love with me?
Or will it all be vice versa?
The first question listed should be last. Simply because it would tie back to the main theme and title, if love were a mere mortal. I would find that well thought out.
Something I noticed, too, was the change of tense. In the beginning, you asked a question in past tense, then in the end, a question in present tense. Just read through the poem and make sure you're not switching back and forth between tenses -- then it gets confusing!
Another thing I would suggest is formatting. You've got the written portion done; a little formatting will surely impact the writing! A page I found about stanzas and using them. This might help you. But, to sum it up, stanzas help break apart ideas and concepts into sections. I think stanzas in your poem would really help it. Just play around with the formatting!
I wasn't a huge fan of rhyming within lines kind of thing, like this:
Moon is bright and out of sight.
You are shy but so am I.
It kind of strayed from the writing portion itself and the content within it didn't make as much sense as before. It was awkward to read merely because it began rhyming out of no where. I understand the ABAB rhyming pattern you had going on with multiple lines, but then this was a little random. I just wish it were planned out slightly better.
I hope this review helped! If you have and questions please ask!
neptune
, I am looking for improvements. I am a open minded person. If you like it please leave a like and tell me if you want to see more. 
Points: 7955
Reviews: 109
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