Young Writers Society

So... one, I thought I'd reviewed this. Oopsie. Two, I know how this started (er, well, sort of), and I *still* don't know what to think.

I like the wordplay you've been playing with throughout, for sure.

I love, "condemning me to fry in her light." Of course, the problem I have with this poem is defining your narrator (outside of you. Shame, I know), and then reading this again objectively. I read that and it's scathing. Then again, your narrator also reads as a bitter realist, so it really fits.

Side note, the "//" - is that supposed to be a nod to code or chat shenanigans? I mean, I'm reading everything as an aside, but those delineate comments in... oh, crap. One language or another. I can't remember if it's css or php or something and I'm too lazy to check. Anyway.

"my other" - my mother, or my other mother? WORD PLAY. Guh, woman. You make my head hurt with it. This. This is why I hadn't tried to review this before. Though I love it, so don't mind me too much.

<3

I wish I had a nice review for you. But to be honest my first impression is speechless, and I don't have the time to keep rereading until I have something to say.

Fantastic job! I love it.

Hey Audy, here once gain to review!

This poem is very clear, and I find it easy to understand.

Your first stanza-

I don't really get why there are two // before "my daughter" starts. It really takes away the dramatic theme of the poem. I do, though, like the "•" because it makes you pause and think- "how is the narrorator feeling in this situation?" Well it did for me. XD

Second stanza-

This is a very simple stanza and I think this you wrote it well.

Third stanza-

This you did well too. I like how you describe how she said "I'm fines" because it added the dramatic theme again.

Fourth stanza-

You do • this again, which I'm obsessed with. XD and This is when you added the moth aspect, and how the mother or narrorator is trying to fix her.

Overall, I would rate this a 9/10. You did a great job and I can't wait to read more of your work!

-Katie

Hey, here for your review! Cool formatting. I like visual poetry. I am not too sure exactly how to review it though so bear with me.

So, to start I would like to say what I felt it was about after reading it. I felt it was about adoption, and as a number one adoption advocater that made me happy to read this, and also helped me to see the work in a new light.

So I'll start with the first line "to-get-her". -- The line was actually what first made me see this as a to-be, or already mother who is mothering a daughter whom she feels she needs to make an impression on because this is a someone she had to "get". Also, though it makes the word, "together" which I find is very interesting and I actually just realized it. That is so cool! So, yes, I think that works really well, and I think it was a good start because even though I did not originally know that it made "together" I still thought it had deep meaning. Acknowledging that now I see more meaning in it. I don't know still what you mean, but I can guess a mother who is contemplating on her struggle to be strong for her daughter.

I was taught
teach • her
nourish • her
//my daughter
talk to me now

//how are you, doll?

but she's fraught with
spoiled knots and mock laughter come clot up
in her ears

high as a thigh,

smothered by, "I'm fines"

extinguish • her

Auuuudy <3 Scarli here to review things!

That is sadness about the formatting, and it frustrates me, too. Can't get anything I post to stay with it's first line indents. x.x It can be veeeery frustrating, no? So, yeah. I should get onto the reviewing stuff. XD

I like this work a lot. Like, a lot, lot. <3 You have this mother/daughter dynamic type of thing going here, and I like it. It's interesting. I especially liked this part, Audy dearest;

//my daughter
talk to me now

//how are you, doll?

but she's fraught with
spoiled knots and mock laughter come clot up
in her ears

expect a review -- if I don't remember because I'm a total ditz, feel free to kick my butt about it

wow! nice poem about motherhood! u framed each and every line with so much depth...wow it made my emotions li'l weak! ur dotty stuff between some words made reader to read ur work in two-ways. or in repeatitive way......i can read it ur dotted words in two ways! grt. stuff! i like it!


good job!

this is a really interesting piece and I absolutely love the clearly evident creativity you used. I've never seen any of your other work, but I can tell that your an awesome writer by just how much you think out of the box in this piece.
Despite how amazingly different this is from the status-quo, I think you might want to define your ideas a little more. I really loved the creativity, but couldn't quite understand the message you were trying to get across. You might try to simplify the message, or the delivery in order to get the full effect of the other.
Your style of writing is completely abnormal, so keep it that way. Writing like this makes you distinct and grabs peoples' attention.
Keep up the awesome work! If you want any more reviews, please let me know, I loved reading your work