the cutting line

Hey, Audy! Katie here!

I love how you started out this poem, it gave us a sense of what the work is really about. The first paragraph (I'm just guessing) is the introduction to the flash toward the "next morning" and it tells you that the narrorator is trying to tell the reader that she so badly wants the reader to be "him".

I,personally, love this poem. You've clarified this well, so I can understand what you're saying. I love it. The ending was expectedly perfect too. How she's in the car and says she'll forget the person by the next stop.

Either way, if I were to rate this-- I'd rate it a 10/10.

Great job!

-Katie

I am amazed, I knew you were good based on your well-written critique that you gave (thank you) but you write more brilliantly than I had expected. I like how you aren't always direct, more ambiguous, yet it the story makes absolute sense. "freckle tucked homes" Love it! It is something I want to get at sometime. Than there is the lack of captilization, I realy like it, it makes it feel more modern and smooth. I tried the technique once, but my review wanted to correct me. I want this to be published with a picture someday. Keep writing!

Hey Audy! I genuinely enjoy this poem - I'm utterly fascinated with it. I've read it about ten times though I understood it the first, just because I wanted to pick up and analyze every detail. You are a gifted poet, something that I lot of people can never achieve. I don't see much wrong with this. The only off bit I see is the placement of "I see the next morning:" - it doesn't quite go with the rest of the poem in placement, seeing that everything else is paried with another detail/another phrase but that short line sits by itself. Make sense? I don't know, maybe that's just a personal thing hahaha. The imagery is beautiful, though, making it almost...blissful to read, if that makes any sense at all. I absolutely love it.

Love,
FictionFanatic

When I first saw this I was like "how was my crappy poem featured and this one not?!" but justice has been done. Luuuuuurves it/you <3

Can I just say that I'm pleasantly surprised by this, going from the description this is not at all what I thought was going to follow. Also I think you've got really good flow, and I like how descriptive it is. I've enjoyed reading this, it really captures the moment, and things like these are the closest to the truth of life, I think. I've tried really hard to think of something that I think you should work on, or stood out to me as something that seemed off, and I can't find a single thing. You've also introduced me to a word I've never come across before, and that's always exciting, "rollicking". Thank you for writing!

Hey ,

Nice poem ! I especially liked the first line of the second stanza saying " how I'll wake with your teeth mark tracks along my back ". If has some internal rhyme and a good rhythm to it. Which makes it an interesting line that you read over and over again.
But you should use capitals , it just makes the poem look more official and you seem more intelligent and educated. Save the small letters for chats. But in general a good poem just figure out the capitals and keep writing !

Hi Audster!

I promised you I would review this, even though I think you might not expect me to actually do so. But here I am! Firstly, of course, what is with the lack of capitalisation?!?! I joke, of course, because we both know that the lack of capitalisation here is very specific and reinforces the individual 'I's that happen throughout the piece, you emphasise the narrator's perspective immediately by reducing the other capitalisation. Not to mention making a comment about the overall feeling of abject loss which runs through the poem as a whole.

Your title is perfect for me, you already know that too. XD I like what it is doing in terms of connecting your frog, train tracks and other imagery together in a strong summary. It makes good suggestion of the feel of the poem. (I'll stop this self gratification now).

I'm not sure how I feel about "we are complicated together/pinned" because there seems to be a missing comma, but you've mostly done away with punctuation at the end of lines (I think you should stick with that, I like the parallel with the start of your lines, as though this is boxed in). I'm also not a super fan of the ellipsis but I don't think it's doing anything too badly and it does what it ought to. I just don't like it aesthetically. I think, again, lose that comma on the second last line - box yo.

Otherwise I am really feeling this. I love the language and the imagery, it's beautiful and evocative and I want to live the experience, because it's rich with colour and feeling.

Thank you for posting it.
♥♥