HELLO THERE! <3 I am obsessed with celestial imagery, so your title prompted me to check this out! c: and welcome to YWS! I hope you have a lovely time here :)
I love all of the images this piece mentions. Dewdrops and skies and rivers and grass and mountains - I am seeing so much green and blue in my mind, and it all of the little things you mention brings quite a lovely image into my mind. I interpreted this as a sort of tribute to nature - the speaker is reflecting on all of the parts about nature that makes them smile and overwhelms them with emotion. And I love your ending line -> nature is so beautiful that the speaker would be willing to walk even farther just to see the beauty. All in all, I super enjoyed this piece and the different images you brought to mind! ^_^ It's simple and lovely
I am going to go a bit deeper into two aspects of your poem that I'd love to touch on <3 But anything I have to say about this poem are just suggestions - you don't have to listen to any of what I say if you don't agree! c:
Word Choice and Language
I love all of the different words you use to describe the emotions nature makes you feel! I especially love the word "ache" -> something about that word brings such a bittersweet image into my mind. Especially since you're talking about beautiful aspects of nature and that still makes your hurt. I just think that was a great word choice there :)
To be sweet with sugary songs of love
I love that alliteration! Again, we have such a soft and sweet image, and it's contrasted with words like "cry," "throb," and "ache." I love how the two things are almost fighting each other, but I think it works pretty well in your poem.
On the eve of creative dreams
This is also a line that stood out to me! I love the idea of being right on the edge of "creative dreams." You could've used the more common "on the verge of..." but instead you used eve, and I think that was a lovely choice c:
Imagery
One thing I would've loved to see more of is imagery! Since this is a poem about nature after all, weaving in some more descriptions and vivd imagery would make this even lovelier for the reader to picture in their mind c: I'll point out a couple of spots you could expand on (if you so wish to do so) and then you can find some more spots that would work well with any ideas you have! But you don't have to do anything at all if you don't want to c:
Curse the skies above
What kind of skies? Are we talking about day or night here? Stormy? Calm? What colour blue are they? Cloudy? Does the sky look smooth like ripples in the water?
And all the rivers and grass and mountains
I feel like this line has so much potential! ^^ What about the grass makes you cry? The way it whispers softly in the wind? You could even tie each image together - perhaps you could talk about how the rivers carve lines into mountain sides
And the perched branches and trees
Ooh, what tree? A big, grand oak tree? Cherry blossom tree? Specificity can be awesome in poetry, and I recommend for you to utilize it here! ^_^
Random Stuff
I do agree with Elinor about your title being a bit misleading - I imagined this was going to focus more on outer space, but I got a grassy feel out of this, if that makes sense cx I think a quick fix to change this would be focusing your title more on what you talk about in the poem! It can be a specific image, like dewdrops, or it could be a general line about nature!
I noticed you didn't use any punctuation throughout this - punctuation is a totally stylistic choice, so I'm not going to comment on that. I was just wondering, have you considered putting a period at the end of the poem? You totally don't have to, but it might give the reader a sense of finality. Just a thought for you to consider~
And that's it! Like I said, I really enjoyed reading this piece. I think your word choice was quite lovely, and I enjoyed the different images this poem brought to mind. I hope to read more from you soon, and I hope this helped! <3
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