The bumblebee eats things all made from honey,
devouring the fruits of her sugary tea.
He digests the rich woman's sunlit party,
overgrown antennas whisking cake away into his gullet.
A monster, a beast, an elephant with wings stands tall above her shivering stare.
And when the table was starved of food,
that's when the bumblebee bee ate the last drop of sugar on his palette-
which was her and her golden hair.
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139,389 Literary Works • 672,542 Reviews
I like this poem, I think this poem has a nice ring and poem meter and stuff. I don’t know what meter even means and it’s impossible to remember How it works accented and stressed words, but I know it has a good rhythm. This poem kind of connect to the theme of eating, I liked how scary it looked like. I wish I can make better metered poems. I like music and I’m so horrible at music theory. I’m so sorry it made no sense. But take it with a grain of salt, that less is more. I want to write like that. It’s the perfectest poem ever. I’m not perfect enough
Oh you are so nice and I completely understand what you mean, I'm a great fan of music (obsessively) and rhythm. I'm so flattered you think so highly of my poem. You are perfect enough to write however way you want to write! I believe in you! I sure as hell am not perfect but we all are in our own ways.
Good luck on your writing, and you are perfect enough!
Yeah thank you. But I feel like my rhythm for anything I say and write for poems isn%u2019t good enough. It doesn%u2019t sound good enough
Hey there! Lost here with a review!! ^_^
That's actually a really good poem you wrote right there, I liked it a lot. That's a spectacular horror poem you wrote.
He digests the rich woman's sunlit party,
overgrown antennas whisking cake away into his gullet.
Wo there! He digested the whole damn party! You really detailed the way he messed stuffs up.
And when the table was starved of food,
that's when the bumblebee bee ate the last drop of sugar on his palette-
Ok, he finally stopped eating XD
But anyways, Im not good at writing reviews. I just wanted to tell you that you're going good with your writing skills!
Keep up with your works!
Good wishes!
[ Edit ]
Ahh thank you so much I really appreciate the review! And I'm really glad you thought it was good and that's exactly what I was going for
Hey there! Lost here with a review!! ^_^
That's actually a really good poem you wrote right there, I liked it a lot. That's a spectacular horror poem you wrote.
Wo there! He digested the whole damn party! You really detailed the way he messed stuffs up.
Ok, he finally stopped eating XD
But anyways, Im not good at writing reviews. I just wanted to tell you that you're going good with your writing skills!
Keep up with your works!
Good wishes!
These first two lines really intrigue me but don't really hook me. You need to use stronger verbs. For example: The bumblebee devours things all made from honey, devouring the ripe fruits of her sickly sweet tea.
These first two lines are also disjointed and honestly something that better connects them.
Do you have different stanzas? If not I recommend that you probably do two-line stanzas. I enjoy the first line, the expression is much better, but I think using antennas in the second line draws me out a little to imagine that happening just because in reality, it doesn't reality make sense. Maybe mandible?
I am slightly confused by this line, it doesn't really seem to add much value unless you are trying to describe the male again. Maybe rework this line a tiny bit to make its value more understandable, don't make your reader have to guess to get a grasp of your concept.
I really enjoyed these two lines as a whole. The last line is a little longer than it need be, I encourage you to remove: That's when...
So maybe something like: And when the table was starved of food, the bumblebee slurped up the last drop of sugar on his palette-
There isn't much to say or think about this line other than it is a nice twist ending.
I really enjoyed the poem as a whole though there were some parts that can be reworked and rewritten.
Lehmanf
Thanks so much for the advice and I really like the way you have rearranged the sentences, that makes so much more sense! Thank you
My pleasure. If you would ever like to do so in a review you can use this code: [ quote ] [ / quote ]. Without the spaces of course. Have a good day!
Thank you!
Okay..wow..I liked this.I have a question.Well,a few,actually.Is this poem the Instagram post you saw? Did the bumblebee eat the woman alive? Is she dead? Is everyone in the party dead? Or did it suck her blood like a mosquito? What was the name of the Instagram post? Those are just some questions I have.I hope you have a lovely and wonderful day and night.
Thank you for the review and I'm so glad you're interested in it! The post came under an account called surrealism.word and in the post it has a mutant bumblebee standing next to a table, and it's legs on its surface. There's a girl sitting next to the table on a chair and there's cake and tea. It looks like a very rich persons home and there's a portrait above the table. In the post, the girl is alive however because the bee looked scary I decided it would eat the girl after it has finished his meal. Thank you so much!
You%u2019re welcome%u2019