Tiredness embeds my soul.
The soft tick of my watch,
pulsing with time
that slips like sand
through the hands and feet
of the future
~~~~~
Ideas-
like veins
In my brain.
Vessels exploding and clotting
with cells of imagination
Renewing.
Refreshing.
Dying and rebirthing
Sending waves of adrenaline,
pulsating throughout my body
~~~~
Creativity
Inside of me
Unwritten
Unexpressed
In the mediocre life and society
~~~~~
Files unnamed
with stories
untamed
Wild like beasts
Lions roaring
Engines igniting
Revving down the road
of productivity
~~~~~~
Copy and paste
all this poetry.
With one-click
I could delete
from the eyes of the world.
Strangers faces
analyse my words
Value and importance
The superiority
of the raw and fresh
beating heart
of my stories.
Ripped from the cages of my consciousness
To fall into the hands
Of another.
The flame
that stokes the fires
of feeling
~~~~~
My lungs have gone
My chest is hollow
Breath has been taken from me
Swept off my feet
because the rug that was my stability
My fortune
My hope
Has been pulled underneath my shaking legs
~~~~~
But now under my hands
that I grip and push myself up from
Is possibility
Though I fall forever
Through air and clouds
To never hit the ground
I have the ability
to fly
And land softly
On a make-shift world
cast upon by the token of my dreams
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139,389 Literary Works • 672,542 Reviews
This has been in the green room two days too long in my opinion, and there's no way I couldn't leave a review on this after reading. Here's another stranger's face, analyzing your words
Your use of metaphor in this piece is stellar. The language choices communicate the ideas and themes of the piece wonderfully. Very abstract concepts are being described, but the way you tie those concepts to various visuals helps to convey how the narrator feels about these topics. My favorite metaphor is the rug being pulled out from under the narrator in the second to last stanza.
This work is completely freeform, but it still maintains a sense of meter and flow. The way some short lines are repeated with variation is wonderful. It's also impressive how you maintained rythm through the variation in line lengths.
I absolutely loved reading this. Keep writing!
-Blueca
Thank you so much for your review
Hi, BrokenHeartsAri here for a short review!
So I would like to say hi, I hope you are doing well today.
I love the nice flow of this poem so I send kudos for that
This poem was really good I liked it so much.
It had such a nice strong impact on words.
My favorite part was most likely was
"I have the ability
to fly
And land softly
On a make-shift world
cast upon by the token of my dreams "
I really did like this part it stuck with me.
you did an amazing job with this poem, I love your word choice I love how you started it off I love how you ended it too. You did a great job!
Keep up the great work-BrokenHeartsAri
Thank you so much for your review
I love the nice flow of this good job. I feel it's nice and smooth and it works well. The feeling of the poem is strong within me and will stick for a while
Thank you so much