Dusk is the blush of my cheeks-
spots like a strawberry filling bathed in the yellow light of a candle.
Its the complimentary pitter of rainfall:
that enjoys to make the starlit world appear to have texture.
The mute nods of LED lights,
blinking in responsive yawns.
That even the things we fabricate seem to yawn and stretch-
dusk seems to wrap around every being like immortality is only alive
at the deepest creases.
Dusk is a crease; a fold; a deep dark void.
That I must tie myself to a sound other than silence-
an anchor; a sail; a rope.
To then sink into the darkness and mystery,
and watch the real world come to life.
As the audience.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
Hi illy7896! First of all, thanks for sharing this poem with us! Without further ado, I'd like to jump into the review.
So, I must say, I like how imaginative this piece really is. The use of creative metaphors is excellent, in particular, how you connected simple real-world objects to a deeper meaning. I like how you have built a world. We think of worldbuilding as something mainly associated with science fiction and fantasy, but you often forget how much of it is in poetry.
Finally, I really like the last lines. It describes a sense of urgency yet patience, and I really like how the crescendo, how the final line ends it on a high - "as the audience".
All in all, I really enjoyed the poem and I'm looking forward to more of your work.
Awe thank you kind review, and I really agree with you about how world-building is in poetry too. Characters, stories and emotions are part of everyday life, and everyday is a story. Thank you!
Howdy!!
Something I really like about this poem is the descriptiveness of it. I feel like I can perfectly imagine everything being described, and especially in this line: "That even the things we fabricate seem to yawn and stretch-"
Everything feels alive and curious in so few words and I think that's a rather difficult thing to achieve. All in all, I really enjoyed this! Keep up the good work!!
Awe that's really nice of you and it's always wonderful for your work to be described like that, so thank you!
This is a very good poem. The descriptive imagery is eye-opening and paints a vivid picture in your head. The last sentence is oddly placed. The capitalization of and is throwing me off. It seems to be the continuation of a thought so why is it capitalized. That being said I like the idea of this poem. It's deep, but not too deep where it's beyond the grasp of basic human understanding, but there does seem to be a bit of a deeper meaning here. Anyway, that doesn't hold much weight to this critique so. . .
To wrap it up, this poem is amazing with very deep imagery that holds multi-faceted meanings. The writing is spectacular and the idea is nice. Overall you did a very nice job.
Your so kind and I really appreciate the review and thanks a lot for your advice, and I'm so glad you enjoyed it.
A detailed poem about when dusk crosses! The night does have a certain mystery to it,I do agree with that.But I wonder,does the blush and strawberry work well with this poem? I would associate those with Spring,but that’s just me.I loved the imagery in the poem,it gives it an exciting feel.Lovely read.I hope that you will have an amazing and awesome day and night.
Thank you so much for the kind review, and I will reconsider the use of blush and strawberry because I completely see what you mean! You also have an awesome day and night.
Okay,thanks.