Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: This looks like a pretty decent story on first glance here. I'm liking the looks of it. The ending her isn't the best but besides that I did really like most of the first bits here. Let's see how it goes.
Anyway let's get right to it,
He held her in her arms and rested his head on hers. This year had been… eventful. But looking down at her lashes that stroke the air and blinked childishly, maybe it was for the best. She didn’t recognise his face when he had first arrived, but she was okay now. In a way, he would’ve preferred it if the reason for this was simply because they’ve been apart for too long, but he knew that wasn’t true. The reason was.., more complicated than romance and adventure.
Well...that was quite an opening paragraph, not exactly the action filled ones you might see but this one is definitely not short of catchyness. Consider myself hooked here right away...this looks like the start to a pretty neat story.
Rising up, he gently moved her figure and rested her body against the sofa, moving to the kitchen. Grabbing a beer from the fridge, he then settled down in an armchair next to her and sipped the can tentatively, watching her with apprehension. She wasn’t a beast or a monster. But in his nightmares, she always arrived as the enemy. The obstacle that he had to overcome. The thing that had stopped him from… being whatever he was before. But then again, watching the sleeping body, he was nothing without her.
Okay...well that is some really interesting description there. That's setting this story up to have some very interesting things woven into it.
His arms hung by his side and he listened to the soft crackle of the fire. Looking up to the photos that lined the brick wall, he reminisced on those days of freedom and travel, where he would hold her tighter than ever before. Her smiles shimmered from the memories like jewels decorating the barren rooms of his home, his life. Tears welled up in his eyes, and he remembered it all. Maybe he was the one who had a loss of memory, to forget such a beautiful thing that was their love.
Hmm...well that's a beautiful paragraph. Reminiscing like that and the surroundings there really setting the mood for that entire angle...I am loving the way that's written, especially this next two words. Really good use of the one line paragraph there.
But he didn’t feel it any more. He hadn’t felt that way since… well, since Delilah. Rubbing his temples, he shook his head and watched the cliffs that rose to the sky outside of his window. That was different. It was an exception- they were alone and with the wild, it’s just natural. Yet looking at the tall pine trees and the forest ahead, it reminded him of those long afternoons basking in the Californian sun and talking to Delilah through the radio. Her voice still whispered in his ears, teasing him with promises of friendship and love.
Hmm...well I am sensing some deep backstory in that one...those thoughts look downright suspicious right there....
She stirred. Her face rose and she propped herself up.
“Julia?” His voice trembled with concern like he was worried that she had read his mind.
“Who are you?” She grumbled, her hair askew and the petite features of her face confused in the light.
Oh dear....well that did not get off to a very promising start right there.
“I’m Henry. Do you remember?” His tone was calm and patient. He had done this a thousand times over, every day introducing himself.
“The hell! Get out! You’re not, you can’t- just leave!” She rocked back and forth crying with fear. “Please, can you go?”
Aaaand that escalated quickly to being a very conversation oh dear...
Henry gently walked over to her, thumbing the photo album that lay on the table and showing the pictures of them to her. She peered down, looking at them, her cheeks red, bleached with tears.
“Can you see?”
Okay...bleached doesn't seem like the right word....gotta be careful with the words you use, cause that makes it seem like the cheeks are being decolorized by the tears which would create a very different set of problems...but...hmm...interesting reaction anyway.
“Yeah. Uhh, this is you and me.” She reached up to touch the features of his face, running her fingers across the fine lines of his wrinkles and cheeks. Her fingers were soft and caring and she looked away in shame.“I remember. I’m sorry-”
“It’s okay.” Gripping her hand, he clenched her fingers tightly and smiled. There was love in his eyes. Even if it was gone, he still offered all that was left within his soul.
Well that last one was not the most encouraging line but umm...well it looks like things are at least getting somewhat better here....
They hugged and kissed, nothing but silent laughter filling the air. They played with memories and events, communicating with each touch that they shared. Two years had gone, and he came back to her. He knew that he couldn’t get over the past if he didn’t confront it. There was no other way around this, not even for him. For the rest of the night, they watched the glow of the fire and the stars. Eventually, when she fell into a dreamless sleep, he slipped away and once again into the kitchen. On the floor, a bag was spilling with items and he zipped it up, then swinging it over his shoulder. Going to the door, he stopped. He kissed Julia’s forehead and went out through the door into the dimly lit wilderness before him.
The owls hooted and the wolves howled, each a foreshadowing, a warning. But still, he was persistent. Through the trees and down to the glassy rivers, and across the mountains. Until finally, he had made it to heaven.
Hmm...quite the plot twist there at the end...well...that's quite interesting...well not a terrible ending...its not particularly fitting at least to what I can see but...its not bad either so I'm a bit neutral there on the ending.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall this looks like a pretty decent story. It has its flaws but for the most part I think its a pretty decent story. Anyway that's all I gotta say here.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
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Reviews: 4102
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