Young Writers Society

Hey illy7896! hannah here for a quick review. Hope it is helpful!


Wow! I loved this poem! I like how it makes everything seem deserted and empty. My favorite line was probably this one:

"And beneath the earthen mounds

Of chaos and time

We hid ourselves

Shrunken in size

In the closets of our memories"

It shows how sometimes we hide ourselves from our painful memories. I like it a lot, and it is clear that you put a lot of thought into this.

Keep writing! I hope to hear more from you and that this review was helpful! Have a great day!


Sincerely,

hannah

A great one

Really amazing poem! I love the metaphor in the last bit, of moths and fabric, and how it shows the complexity of home—contrasting with the beautiful description of the first part! I love how the feeling of looking back is worked in, and the sadness of growing up and leaving home shines through.

And the descriptions of nature in the first part are gorgeous, especially "the rivers knelt down to the singing toads"!

This is a wonderful poem! I really liked it.
I like how you used the imagery in the poem. It feels vague and has some emotional lines in it. Such as "we hide ourselves" and "of kind lines". Powerful lines that are there to express more emotions.
It also has some tragedy to it. A person who is either trying to hold onto or hide the memories away. in a closet prophases (or just a deep part in the mind).
It is overall a really good poem. Hope you have a good day.

This is a beautiful poem! I love how the imagery feels sort of vivid and vague at the same time, like I can visualize what you’re writing about but at the same time the meaning seems open to interpretation.

I particularly like the line “And the rivers knelt down to the singing toads,” firstly because the rivers kneeling part just feels so whimsical like it would fit perfectly in a fantasy world, and secondly because you described the toads as “singing” (I think I’ve usually heard toads described as “croaking” or something, so it was a nice change).

One thing I might suggest is to tweak the ending to match the title. The “Of kind lies” line is amazing, but I sort of feel like it doesn’t really convey the idea of home? So maybe you could add a concluding line that wraps up the whole poem and connects it to the title more, or something. This is just my personal opinion though; I think your poem is great as it is!

Overall this was a pleasure to read and it was hard to find anything to improve upon :p. (I’m honestly debating whether the ending line thing would actually make this poem better or not; I’ll leave it here in case you want to try it though.) So yeah, thank you for posting this beautiful work of art!