She took her sword from her sheath
And held her cigarette with her teeth
Armed and ready to fight
Yet the danger was within her mind
She let the ashes litter her tongue
And cried 'done is Earth, Earth is done!'
She looked to the skies above,
And the clouds below
And asked: where was she within this world?
Then she choked on the formidable dust
Of her old and forgotten lusts.
Body left there to rot
All was left
Was
Her innocent
Plot
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Canary word: Present
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
This is a nice philosophical poem. I loved reading it so I decided to leave you something to read, regarding my opinion on your poem.
The air you gave this poem was a sci fi, fantasy one. You developed the idea making it extraordinarily complex. I can picture a guardian of our world getting her sword out to defend the Earth by unseen dangers. However the corrupt inhabitants of Earth reject her help saying there is no danger apart from herself. The cigarette comes in very handy in portraying her grief. Ashes, dead matter, represent the death felt by her inside her soul. Despair made her realise how doomed Earth is. Her love for Earth killed her. As for the legacy left behind we can talk about the peace that followed her death, proof of how good she defended earth.
As I said this poem is complex, full of.meanings, factors that may draw some readers back. Not everyone can enjoy a vague yet meaningful poem. I don't see anythign that is worth mentioning as a mistake to improve on. Structurally stanzas may be a good addition but it would give the poem a childish feel, not suitable for the theme so keep it like this. Great job
Thank you so much for your review
Thank you so much for your review
Hello! I loved this poem so much!! My favorite lines were the first two and it really drew me. I have very few critiques, but here they are:
First off, in these lines:
The flow feels disrupted here. This may have been your intent, in which case, ignore me, but if not, the poem up until this point flowed beautifully and kept me captivated, but this part disrupted that and caused a stutter in my reading. If you want to retain the flow throughout the poem, I would suggest the second line just slightly, such as "And to the clouds below". It's a small difference, but I think that would flow better.
Also, on the lines of flow, I would suggest breaking up the lines into stanzas, at least in some places. For example, the line:
should be a new stanza along with the next two lines.
Again, these are mere suggestions. The disruption in flow might've been your intent, so ignore me if it was.
I loved this poem! I loved the imagery with the ashes and cigarettes and I loved how I could feel this existential crisis as though it were happening to me. Wonderful writing!
Mordax
Thank you so much, and thank you for the suggestions
Hey there! I just wanna say wow! This is not what I was expecting at all, but in a good way! I think this was a nice poem. I think word choice was good and went well with each other. Structure and flow is very good. I was able to read through this with ease and it just flows naturally. Poetry is something still kind of new to me, but I like this. It was very creative and unique. Keep writing! I really enjoyed this piece.
Thank you so much
awesome. I have a few confusions. let's come to those.
.what do you want to mean by these lines? i didn't understand. i think there should be a the before was left. then also, it doesn't make that much sense(at least to me). it would be better if you make those lines clear.
except this, the poetry is awesome. i do not have any more complaints. keep writing!
Thank you so much for your review, I meant to say that all was left of her soul, the legacy that she left was her sadness. Thank you for your kind review
I'll think about making it clearer.
welcome
Beautiful poem! Love the imagery and you can tell that she is no princess! Great job!
Thank you so much