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16+

Insecurity

by illy7896


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

"The developer of this game was 13! Isn’t that just incredible? I can’t believe it, and who knows what they will go-"

I pause the video and scroll down to the comment section. Somebody posted that he fought cancer twice.

Fuck

What… What have I done? I… I’m not an actress or a writer or a gamer or…

I’m just me.

I press the home button and after a while, my phone’s screen turns dark. I tilt my head up to the ceiling and listen to the hail that pattered violently outside my window.

Thump. Thump. Let me in.

“No”

C’mon. It’s easier that way, isn’t it? It’s easier to just think. Don’t try, don’t get up. Just listen.

I stare down at my feet and curled my toes and eventually wrapped my arms around myself, my spine bending to my will like elastic.

What have you done?

Resentment grows inside my body and the thrill of competition rushes into my brain. Why couldn’t I be like that boy? Maybe I should do something? I could write a book. Quickly. Before I’m too old. I could do a blog? Maybe I could enrol at drama school? Maybe I should protest? Look at Greta Thunberg, maybe I could be like her? Or maybe if I study really hard, I could graduate university at 15? Do something!!

“Nothing” A crack whispers in my voice

Have you fought cancer?

“No. But I have my own problems.”

That you caused.

I sigh and tears well up into my eyes. Silence ruminates in the room and my mind is blank. What have I done? What am I?

Nothing.

“Who are you?”

I’m you.

I listen to the hail more closely and the glow from the neon lights wrapped around the lamp reach out to the corner of my eyes. My pillow is soft and I tug the duvet over me.

“I hate you”

You hate me? Do you not like me?

“No”

Poor you. You’re stuck with me.

Though my curtains are closed I can see the sky darkening and the pulses of rain beat louder on my window.

I see your thoughts. I see your lies. It’s all lies.

“You lie.”

You’re admitting it then? Acceptance? Oh, bless you. You accept me?

The voice seethes in my ear with a serpent body. I cradle myself in the dim darkness of the room. I gently uncoil myself and sit up straight on the edge of the bed.

I’ve come too far.

“I’m sorry that I’ve treated you this way.” My eyes fall to my knees and I grip the linen tightly.

What?

“I love you so much.”

We are supposed to be enemies!

“I forgive you for what you’ve done too meTears roll down my cheeks and I bite my lip.

I hate you!

“Can you forgive me?”

Silence. My heart beats faster and faster. Warmth licks my body and butterflies dance about my stomach.

Yes. I love you too.

I smile and my lips curve upwards. Sunlight bleeds through my curtains and I draw them open. I read the comment section of the video once again with love in my heart. I’m not jealous and envious anymore. No rush- I’m young and I’ve got my whole life to live. I’m more than competition and society. I’m myself and that’s the best I can do.

13? That’s incredible.

He’s going to do amazing things when he’s older

All my support and love.

Give him mine. 


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21 Reviews

Points: 5
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Tue Mar 23, 2021 11:32 pm
RainbowCereal wrote a review...



Hey!! I hope my comment here finds you well. :)
I'm gonna start off by saying that I really enjoyed your use of the weather to portray tone! At the beginning, when it was described as being dark, is when I see your narrator being at their lowest in how they're thinking of themselves. Then the hail when they're fighting with their thoughts, and drawing the sunlight in when they've rejected those negative thoughts and feelings in favor in having faith both in themselves and the support given to the op of the comments they're reading through.
Overall, wonderful job! You've done fantastically portraying the emotion I believe you'd intended to, and I really liked the immersiveness of the entire work. Have a good rest of your day/night!!




illy7896 says...


Thank you so much for your review, that was exactly what I was going for



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Sat Mar 20, 2021 4:04 pm
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! i'm here to leave a quick review!!!

First Impression: This is a pretty realistic take on someone just having some super toxic thoughts and then finding a way out. I think its pretty well done and I liked it quite a bit. Let's break this down into more detail now shall we?

Anyway let's get right to it,

"The developer of this game was 13! Isn’t that just incredible? I can’t believe it, and who knows what they will go-"

I pause the video and scroll down to the comment section. Somebody posted that he fought cancer twice.


Okay....well...that's an interesting start...not quite sure what's happening, I see that we're jumping quite nicely into the middle of all of this and I am loving that so far...let's see how this goes.

What… What have I done? I… I’m not an actress or a writer or a gamer or…

I’m just me.


I see what the title is based on...

I press the home button and after a while, my phone’s screen turns dark. I tilt my head up to the ceiling and listen to the hail that pattered violently outside my window.

Thump. Thump. Let me in.

“No”


Ooooh nice bit of description there with the hail and then the sound. It creates a nice environment there that's quite easy to imagine. Works out quite well here.

C’mon. It’s easier that way, isn’t it? It’s easier to just think. Don’t try, don’t get up. Just listen.

I stare down at my feet and curled my toes and eventually wrapped my arms around myself, my spine bending to my will like elastic.

What have you done?


I love how these thoughts are all slowly creeping up on our protagonist here. It gives it a real sense of building tension and that's always great to have in a story.

Resentment grows inside my body and the thrill of competition rushes into my brain. Why couldn’t I be like that boy? Maybe I should do something? I could write a book. Quickly. Before I’m too old. I could do a blog? Maybe I could enrol at drama school? Maybe I should protest? Look at Greta Thunberg, maybe I could be like her? Or maybe if I study really hard, I could graduate university at 15? Do something!!

“Nothing” A crack whispers in my voice


Ooof, this appears to be headed to even worse places...oh dear.

Have you fought cancer?

“No. But I have my own problems.”

That you caused.

I sigh and tears well up into my eyes. Silence ruminates in the room and my mind is blank. What have I done? What am I?

Nothing.


Oh dear...this is taking an even darker turn now...phew...

“Who are you?”

I’m you.

I listen to the hail more closely and the glow from the neon lights wrapped around the lamp reach out to the corner of my eyes. My pillow is soft and I tug the duvet over me.


Again I love the addition of that bit of imagery. It really does add quite a bit to this story despite just being a couple of lines.

“I hate you”

You hate me? Do you not like me?

“No”

Poor you. You’re stuck with me.


The thoughts starting to reinforce each other that's not good.

Though my curtains are closed I can see the sky darkening and the pulses of rain beat louder on my window.

I see your thoughts. I see your lies. It’s all lies.


More appropriate imagery, I am loving this so far.

The voice seethes in my ear with a serpent body. I cradle myself in the dim darkness of the room. I gently uncoil myself and sit up straight on the edge of the bed.

I’ve come too far.

“I’m sorry that I’ve treated you this way.” My eyes fall to my knees and I grip the linen tightly.


Ooooh...I sense a twist in the tale...will it be a successful one...is the question here isn't it?

What?

“I love you so much.”

We are supposed to be enemies!

“I forgive you for what you’ve done too me” Tears roll down my cheeks and I bite my lip.

I hate you!

“Can you forgive me?”


Oooh...its going...its going towards the side...I love this change in direction.

I smile and my lips curve upwards. Sunlight bleeds through my curtains and I draw them open. I read the comment section of the video once again with love in my heart. I’m not jealous and envious anymore. No rush- I’m young and I’ve got my whole life to live. I’m more than competition and society. I’m myself and that’s the best I can do.

13? That’s incredible.

He’s going to do amazing things when he’s older

All my support and love.

Give him mine.


Noice....very wholesome ending and I love that...

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall I think you've done a great job here. I really enjoyed the story and you've done a fantastic job here with bringing all of these separate elements across. Aaaand that's all I've gotta say here.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




illy7896 says...


Thank you so much for your kind review



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12 Reviews

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Tue Mar 16, 2021 12:10 am
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Pokeberry111 wrote a review...



Hello Boo, I call others that, if you don’t mind that

I like the thought of the hail thumping and then the thoughts with the main person in the story, I’m guessing that it’s the thoughts. And the way the thoughts being rude back to the main person, as they were trying to shake the thoughts off. I feel this, like how you see something and then it gets worse or better when you dig into it.




illy7896 says...


Thank you, i'm glad that you can relate and I like your interpretation.



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Sat Mar 13, 2021 1:02 pm
RandomTalks wrote a review...



This was such an incredible read. I love the way you personified insecurity and the way you illustrated the narrator's struggle against. It felt real and something that any of us could go through in real life. Insecurity is the demon we create for ourselves when we don't have confidence in ourselves and your story did a great job at portraying that.

“I forgive you for what you’ve done too me” and “Can you forgive me?”
I think these two lines are very powerful and make a huge impact on anyone who is reading and has gone through this.

"I’m more than competition and society. I’m myself and that’s the best I can do."
That is another line that really stuck with me.

Also the imageries you used to describe the sunlight and 'the voice' were really beautiful.
It was a great story, thank you for sharing it. Keep up the good work!




illy7896 says...


Thank you so much for your review, that's very nice of you



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Sat Mar 13, 2021 11:54 am
InJung15 wrote a review...



Wow....First of all I gotta say this was truly a work of art and amazing to read. It grabbed my attention from the very start and left my jaw hanging right through to the end. It was absolutely impeccable. I loved your use of imagery and your idea to personify "insecurity". In my opinion, you raised the idea that insecurity is purely just lies that we are feeding our minds, the persona starts of rather insecure and starts comparing themselves with other people, allowing "Insecurity" to come in and poison their minds, only to realise that it was them who were causing it.

Phrases such as "The voice seethes in my ear like a serpent body", "Sunlight bleeds through my curtains and I draw them in" and "Warmth licks my body and butterflies dance about my stomach" are all fabulous and a great use of imagery which kept me right at the edge of my seat.

Again I have to say it was an amazing writing and very enjoyable and entertaining to read, thank you for sharing this masterpiece, hope to see more of your works again:) Good job!




illy7896 says...


Thank you so much for your review, that's so kind of you




We're all stories in the end.
— 11th Doctor