moonlit shone,
deep in our affectations
and played with our hair
trimmed to our perfections
----------
natural elements proved controversial
abstract settlements home to some
since they live in their indignant lies
comfort is a fake smile
---------
brimming with opportunity
the night howls and tempts the world,
with fear and midnight skies are painted blue
too well I know I know the twists and the turns
that litter our earth, under silent twigs
shhhhh
tiptoe against the cloudless fights
-----------
leaves exposed to radioactive light
shield them from the burn and the prick of yellow beams
toxic to our skin
campfires aglow, a cacophony of noise
silent and deaf, mute to our fears and concerns
it rises and climbs invisible mountains,
the peaks are too high, buried away below the ground
-------------
digging and heaving, soil creeps up your spine
petals fall up to brush past our faces
and move on to above the streets
their string, we weave into laces
------------
birds too sad even to speak,
we hear their chirps and their spying eyes
sorrow comes in the form of wings
signifying deliverance,
so do our thoughts-
suggesting ambition
--------
betting our lives by the minor confrontations
sighs and disorder,
lies in enthusiasm and organisation
chaos only comes from the word of the thought
as well as justification
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Canary word: Present
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
Heya friend, I is here with a quick review xd
Honestly, your blogs give me endless laughter and your writing is so serious and detailed in a brilliant way.
Onto the review then!!!
That vocab...Girl how you only 13, I am that age and them word choices are well out of my zone. The stanzas are organised both practically and neatly too.
Nothing to improve on, just carry on writing i guess. I want to hear some short stories from you!
Stay Safe,
Love Rubes x
You are too nice! Thanks so much, and I will definitely be writing some more short stories <3
Hello, this is Lizzy,
I just wanted to say how great, and touching your poem was. It was uplifting, and beautiful, while at the same time, had a undercurrent of sadness that tied the whole poem together. It was truly wonderful, and I hope to see more of your work around someday.
Thanks so much for your kind comment!
Hello, Sunflower here for a quick review!
Wow this poem was honestly so good I loved it! So for starters it rhymes and I personally love it when poems rhyme it just adds an extra level of great to poems!
And then the poem itself was great I only had one complaint and that is the "shhhh" which I thought was a bit unnecessary but that's just an opinion it's your writing style so do what you want. But other then that I really like the flow of the poem it never seemed forced to move on it just did and it did it well.
"betting our lives by the minor confrontations
sighs and disorder,
lies in enthusiasm and organisation
chaos only comes from the word of the thought
as well as justification"
This honestly sent chills down my spin it was so raw and well written and it felt like puzzle coming together. I love it because the last line really made me think about all we justify in the name of moving forward.
So all in all I loved your poem and I urge you to keep on writing and have a great day/night! Bye! : )
Thank you so much for your kind review!