Moonlight spins like the forever, weaving wheel
of a spindle.
A circle of disfigured splinters, running on a day-to-day cycle.
Sharp edges of silver linings:
They seem to trim away the darkness.
Ribbons of life spill from their bodies;
earthly creation ties itself to the loose ends of
Sunlight.
Non-existant- that is in every spindle
there are hums and groans that protest the
moonlight.
And its half-witted protests,
they never seem to be published.
Still it relentlessly swindles the life from the legs
That supply it.
Still, every night the sky is shadowed-
by moonlight.
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139,536 Literary Works • 672,600 Reviews
Hello, illy7896. Here to review this ditty that "never stops"-- Never stops to be amazing! There are many great things here and not at all any critiques!
1) The use of alliteration. I notice a lot of "s" words: spins, spindle, splinters, sharp, silver, spill, sunlight, still, swindles, supply, sky, shadowed. The repetition of this sound heightens the slithery quality of how the moonlight slides in day after day.
2) There's an amazing metaphor here. The moon and sunlight in their cyclic endeavors. Day after day, we weave our lives on our own spindles. The thread never stops churning memories, time, relationships, etc. I absolutely adore the personification of these elements.
3) Although there is no clear rhyme scheme, there is still rhythm in the format. The connections between single words to lines somehow makes structural sense adding to the overall characteristics of this piece. You've masterfully crafted prose that feels like a song despite not having a predictable flow, meter, or beat.
My favorite line is
If you look at that line specifically, there is scaffolded meaning. It can be interpreted many different ways each time it's read and given many tones or emotionality. Bravo! This deserves featured on the main page and you have inspired me. Wishing you well wherever you are in the world.
♡ ∩_∩
(„• ֊ •„)♡
|￣U U￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣|
| With love, a |
￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣
Good evening, cupid here with a short review, I saw your work in the green room and gosh I had to review it!! Wow, first off- what an a m a z i n g poem!! The way you wrote it is so mesmerizing! It's got this mystical vibe that pulled me in like a magnet. The imagery is so captivating, especially this line:
It's so beautifully worded, like it's stitching together the fabric of the night sky!! ✨ And oh my goodness, the lines:
The way you describe the moon's presence, adds this layer of mystery and depth, that compliments your poem perfectly!! 🌙 I just had to get those few things out of my system, wonderfully written poetry, beautiful imagery, and even the language creates such a vivid picture of the night sky, and I'm so here for it!
That's all for now, I hope you have an awesome day/night. With much love, Cupid. 💘
Your review is so nice thank you so much! This is exactly what I was going for and I'm so happy you enjoyed it!