Too natural to even notice,
the spider’s web that crawls is never honest.
Ants climb their mountains- a treacherous journey,
up the arms of chairs and of sweetened honey.
~~~~~~
Too natural to even notice,
the petals that bloom fall to the earth like feathers-
Skyrocketing the soil and pushing above
the borderlines of tape that was strung across the world like a dove.
Snip the holy face of new beginnings,
battalions of faith in those white-crusted mirrors.
~~~~~
Too natural to even notice,
the portfolios of art drawn to be breathing.
Frames of life snapshotted to be perfect
Still slowly teething,
grass tickles our skin and we awaken, to the sound of music.
And crystal clear vision.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
Hey there! I'm here for a quick review. First of all, I like the nature theme you've got going on. Somehow it's a theme that never dies.
The way you've started out each stanza with the same identical line gives the poem a sense of unity and helps tie it all together. I love this feature.
I noticed there was some rhyme, which I'm a fan of, but you could work on your rhythm in order to make in flow more smoothly. If you're going for a more open or free form, rhythm may not be as important, but if you want the emphasis on the rhyme, this aspect becomes more crucial to tie the rhyming lines together. I'm not always the best with rhythm myself, so it's definitely often something that needs to be continually perfected.
Some of your lines were a little odd to me - which may just be my interpretation (or lack thereof) - but it seemed that the picture it painted in my mind was a bit abstract and disjointed. For example, the last two lines of the first stanza. I found myself like, "Wait, what? What does sweetened honey have to do with mountains and treacherous journeys?" So that's just a little input you can filter through at your discretion.
Once again, I like the nature theme, and the example subjects you've chosen to focus on in your imagery are pretty in the way only little things can be. I feel like this type of poem raises appreciation for the small touches that make nature so beautiful. Good work.
Thanks so much and I am so pleased that you picked up on the meaning of this poem. Yes, I will definitely improve on my rhythm, it is quite a tricky skill as you say! But thanks so much for your kind review <333
Hello illy! Incoming review!
We never think of flowers as being powerful, ants having treacherous journeys, or even realism to be a snapshot of life, and not just a picture we draw from reference. The whole tone reminds me of a nature documentary. No sounds of man made things, only the sounds of brooks, birds, and ruffling in the trees. For me it paints a picture in my head of the "camera" switching abruptly to each part of nature you are referring to and then at the last stanza it slowly pans to an elderly man who has been painting this the whole time. It's so fun! And I love your consistent use of punctuation because it lends to the idea that nature had structure.You have a nice way with words and that's what I immediately thought when reading your poem here. I like how you make each part of nature come alive. Your use of personification in the first stanza is so perfect, it's almost dainty. A more powerful line I liked was this,
if I had something to actually critique it might be to cut down the length of some of your longer lines such as this one It just seems a bit wordy, that's all.
Your poem was so beautiful and I think that might have been one of he shortest critique sections I've had because i was just blown away by the serenity of your poem, illy. Give yourself a pat on the back. Keep writing!
I see you've been doing that quite a lot lol<3. Anyway byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee<3<33333 thank you so much for your kind review! I really appreciate your interpretations and this is exactly how I wanted the reader to feel. Lmaooo, I have to get back into the habit of writing lol.
Hi illy7896!
Here's a short review for you today!
I really liked the imagery of the insects at the beginning! There's a lot of attention to detail here =)
I think that this was a good way to start each stanza! It shows how nature can sometimes be taken for granted and everything it has to offer.
Anyways, I really enjoyed reading your poem! I did feel like there was a sort of lack in an ending however, but maybe there's some beauty in that just like there is in nature. Take what you will from this and keep on writing!
Thanks so much ^-^
Hello there!
First things first, title-- it's arguably the most important part of poetry besides the actual poem itself. I love the idea of nature being art, and I think it definitely works with real life having so many different types of creatures and beauty. It's a nice sentiment and it can be poetic if someone tries hard enough, so it makes sense with what you have here.
Although, it doesn't really fit with the contents? It wraps up well in the last stanza, but the ones before focus more on nature being not what's typically considered art. That could be what you were going for, but I think foreshadowing is a powerful poetic tool and sometimes it can be applied in situations similar to this one.
Now into the actual body of the poem~
Repetition is useful. If you have a specific thought or image in mind and you believe that it would be nice to showcase that, you can place it wherever. There's always a lot of food for thought in your poetry, so here are a few guesses as to why that's the line you choose:
1. It sounded good.
This isn't really meaningful or deep, but it works just fine in more casual poetry. A lot of people go this route because of how simple it is, and that's totally okay.
2. It symbolizes your main theme
The main theme here is nature being art, and maybe nature being underappreciated for how wonderful it is. I'm leaning towards this idea because of the usage of the word "too" and the ending phrase of how it's unnoticeable to most people.
This is probably the most memorable way people use repetition as well, which does compliment the theme too- nature isn't memorable here, and it's shown in the way you word specific phrases and use that repeated line in moderation. It's always at the beginning of a stanza as well, which also compliments this idea a little.
3. It creates a sense of urgency.
This could work too, because of the urgent phrasing of the repeating line. It's harsh without being too harsh, and it creates a heavier atmosphere of impermanence. I wouldn't assume this is the reason because it's more rare, but it's interesting I think.
This is all I have to say- I loved this, like always.
Cheers!
Thanks so much and I love your thoughts!!