Heaving my chest,
Labouring my body with arrogant civilians.
Slaving myself as they resent.
Actions of deceit.
First evolution innocent,
Now knowledge overrides intact friendship
I feel each creature
I quench their thirst and provide their priorities
I am their lungs
So when they are stabbed, gutted, shot, raped
A wound punctures my soul
I am each rock
Each river
Each saviour
Each mountain
I am the meticulous seasons
Advising rest and joy
Each leaf that you brush away
I wince as you kill each other
I cower as you threaten justice
And brandish evil like a weapon
Yet I am no coward
I am forced upon my knees
But I do not bow
As you strike me
Choke me
Strangle me
I adjusted my world so you could breathe
I prescribed success and power
So that you could feed your self-esteem
I made you
I upgraded you
But despite my influence,
Your insightful adaptations
I cannot bribe wisdom.
Bend the laws of morality
In favour of your harsh decisions.
Whether you engulf me,
Or save me
No matter how many catastrophes I throw
To ebb away ignorance
Encourage recognition
I am not the architect
Of your love.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
Hey, illy! Welcome to the community of YWS, and thank you for submitting your poetry to the sit to be reviewed. I hope you're having a great time, I know it can be a bit daunting to get around at first, so lemme know if you need any help!
First off, I would recommend a TW (abbreviation for "trigger warning") at the start of your poem as some words, such as "rape," or certain sentences or phases (such as when you mention abuse) can affect the reader(s) negatively on the mental or emotional level. Just a though! ^^
You seem to go back and forth as to whether or not punctuation is used or not; it would be better for the poem and its structure if you went back and either added all the appropriate commas, periods, etc or to take them out completely. I personally prefer having full punctuation as opposed to none, but it's a personal preference :P
I hope you have a nice [*insert time of day here*]!!!
Thank you for your review
Wow just wow this was fantastic! in just a few words you had me moved this was fantastic you really show emotion and the way everything is said is just so very perfect. I don't know if i'm reading this wrong but I feel as if it mother nature talking about the human race and I think you presented her beautifully the way she wants to help but can only do so much is fantastic. just over all I think you did a great job and I applaud your writing skills! Any way I hope you have a fantastic day bye!
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Thank you so much