Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: This is looking pretty good at first glance. Its definitely feels like a whole world is at stake from the way that everything is phrased in here. And I think it creates a really nice overall effect from all of that.

Anyway let's get right to it,

They watched the worlds explode together under the hypnotic gaze of fireworks that streaked across the sky like meteorites. Indeed, they were, embedding their hazy glow across the pitch-black night. The gentle twang of thoughts strummed like guitars in their mind, and with the chorus of death, destruction and singing stars, it played a melody of peace and intuition. How they arrived on this day, they didn’t know. But gazing into each other’s moonlit eyes, they knew that this was the moment that they had been waiting for. Maybe even zooming out into the universe, it was what everybody was waiting for. It was the first breath of mankind and its last step. Delivered from the womb of existence, humanity had just started on its journey, and now it was ending. Perhaps for the best.

Madness delicately enveloped them, like a floating sheet devouring a bird in the sky with its soft suffocation. They smiled lightly and breathed the foul air of ashes and dust. A prophet once told them of this day- a wise one. One that they would never forget, nor remember, they thought, as they saw the tidal wave of the cosmic universe come bleeding towards them. A prophet with a soft voice and shining eyes. One that could see the deepest parts of a soul and the clearest rivers of the Earth. One that didn’t have a name, but a voice.

A symphony played in their ears like leaves in the wind, bristling across the trees of their feelings. On the horizon, not long away, they saw the dance of graceful fingers move their bodies across keys. They thrust and pulled and jerked in a spasm of beauty. The owner of these dancers curved her mouth upwards, right to her ears, and watched the show. The show of movement. Movement. Move. MOVE! They averted their attention from the pianist and looked up at the scene. The void cornering them into oblivion, they could not suppress the instinctual feeling to run. It was useless, of course, but perhaps it was the last sane thing to do in the chaos of confusion. Survival. Life. Breathe. They picked their legs up, pushed themselves off the ground and sprinted. As fast as death could urge them. Humanity was printed on their bodies, and on their souls light. Their suits tore and ripped, and the stale air flooded into them like darkness in a birds closing eyelids, swallowed by warmth. Swallowed by love. Swallowed by desperation.

They were the birds, flying up into the great beyond, their winds extending against the pull of the wind. The clouds above their heads- the halos of the Earth. The path winding and great. The road, borderless and wide. Up, they went, down the universe came. Down upon their souls, down upon their spirits. They saw the stars twinkle and down came the darkness upon their shoulders. Down came the universe through their beaks. Their eyes perching upwards to the planets beyond, and their feet firmly on the ground as the end came crashing down onto their fleeting bodies.

"It was the first breath of mankind and its last step. Delivered from the womb of existence, humanity had just started on its journey, and now it was ending. Perhaps for the best."
This line makes me think of how short life really is, and though what time has passed seems long is merely a blip compared to eternity. Very beautiful.
This short story flows like poetry and the imagery here is very dazzling. To me it has the structure of a vignette because you focus mainly on one ensuing moment in great detail - the end of the world. I personally love it for that reason though because you captured so much emotion (emphasis on much). I mean it ranged and got very chaotic but I feel the prose mirrors the chaos of the moment.

Hello, there! ^_^ I love reviewing your works, so I decided to drop by and leave one on this piece as well! c: I'll start with reading it and sharing some thoughts and I'll end it with some closing words!

They watched the worlds explode together under the hypnotic gaze of fireworks that streaked across the sky like meteorites. Indeed, they were, embedding their hazy glow across the pitch-black night.

The gentle twang of thoughts strummed like guitars in their mind, and with the chorus of death, destruction and singing stars, it played a melody of peace and intuition.

. But gazing into each other’s moonlit eyes, they knew that this was the moment that they had been waiting for.

humanity had just started on its journey, and now it was ending. Perhaps for the best.

Madness delicately enveloped them, like a floating sheet devouring a bird in the sky with its soft suffocation.

One that they would never forget, nor remember, they thought, as they saw the tidal wave of the cosmic universe come bleeding towards them.

One that didn’t have a name, but a voice.

The owner of these dancers curved her mouth upwards, right to her ears, and watched the show.

They averted their attention from the pianist and looked up at the scene.

Their eyes perching upwards to the planets beyond, and their feet firmly on the ground as the end came crashing down onto their fleeting bodies.

Wow. This is a really cool story.

When I read this I could feel a mysterious aura from it that made me want to read more. The explosions, fireworks, and meteorites in the first paragraph hooked me and made me want to read more. It made me need to know what was happening.

For the first three paragraphs, I kept trying to figure out who "they" were. The writing used a lot of metaphors and similes that sometimes confused me, but it was really cool.

My favorite part is in the third paragraph when the action came. The intensity of trying to escape the void was really intriguing and I couldn't stop reading. I love the sentences "Survival. Life. Breathe", because it shows the in-the-moment thinking process of people in danger. It really makes me want to move.

Your story had a lot of great imagery and it felt super intense the whole time. I can tell this took a lot of thought and effort to write. I had a lot of fun reading it.

It's a great story!

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Hey, Zeke here!
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This was beautiful!!!!

The way everything is described makes for amazing scenery, and I loved how you made a very sensory setting, like describing sounds, and sights, and thoughts, and what they feel. The way the end of the universe is portrayed is beautiful, and it's amazing how you took such a deep, dark subject and made it, quite literally, majestic.
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My favourite part has to be the very last line,

"Their eyes perching upwards to the planets beyond, and their feet firmly on the ground as the end came crashing down onto their fleeting bodies."

Because of the way you decided to describe the end of the world. this kind of thing could have been done so many ways, and you chose this one, and I applaud you for it, it was very well done.
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I don't have much to critique, the story was lovely. But I do have a question.
Can I use this Idea of the end of the world in my own piece of writing? I want to make sure you don't think that I'm stealing your idea. I'll give credit, of course.

Good job!!

-- Zekcede
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