Bleached down
Morning
Noon and night
Our bodies cells wiped away
Chemicals replace our bacteria
Poison replaces our blood
We are now unrecognisable to Mother Nature
No longer the mammals
But the machines
Oiled and cleaned
Morning
Noon
And night
Perfect condition
Is not a feature
In the animal kingdom
Yet we thrive for pristine
Untouched
Faces and fingers
Whatever happened
To playing in the muddied grass
Now we are told
To be careful
But we grow weaker
With every pointed jab
That breaks our skin
Said to stop cancer
But puts us in wheelchairs
Said to stop the flu
But still our noses drip
Money all gone to waste
For these false cures
Remedies that prove
Unworthy
What happened to staying healthy?
Eating right
Exercise
Why medication
Pop a pill
Swallow down some elements
Addiction
Drugs prescribed by our doctors
People try to cheat hard work
Stuff themselves with junk food
Chips
Chocolate
Fizzy drinks
And then take some medicine
Healthy, they say
As we drop down dead
Our DNA cleaned
From our wilting figures
As the world goes nuts
And chaos maddens
All that remains
Are our hidden traces
Footprints disappeared
Just some hand gel and
Surface wipers
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139,389 Literary Works • 672,542 Reviews
Hey illy7896!
I have to say, you tried to bring out some really strong ideas. I really liked that and your work is cool. That being said, I felt there was something missing, something that could have tied everything together and brought out some rhythm between all the lines. Still it's pretty good. Keep it up and I am looking forward to reading more!
Thank you so much for your review
Its a nice one you've got here on natural and I 'll gladly like to review your work as a specified ads.
First, would like to drop a few review and like I said its nice and you tried, at least not for an expert or professional poetry. The words used in the poem are high land simple literary expressions and appreciations.
If I may like to point out a correction, I think almost all of your lines are dimmining and are just an highlight of a new Iine and point of view.
I'm in no way trying to say that you wrote off point, but In your natural, I think the words are too high sounding that many of the lines tend to seriously contradict the outburst of the previous lines.
Maybe you should try to arrange your words to not just make sense of to you, but to the reader as well.
A good poet does not contradict his own works, else the readers will get stunted in each linea as new ideas and sense just drive in.
Nevertheless, its a good one maybe for a starter, so keep up.
Thank you for your review and I will look over my work:)