You’ve changed
From the lessons, we used to share
And innocent days
Playing in the fields
Shouting
GERONIMOOO!
From the top of
our
lungs
Deep breaths
Screaming
Making fun of the teacher's actions
I feel like you've left me
Far from home
But it is I
Who abandoned you
Long ago
For this place
called paradise
One day we'll watch the hills together That I can’t share
With your soul
I’ve changed too
Don’t worry I don't understand
I know it too
That a person doesn’t remain the same
For all the thousands of years Maybe we aren't immortal
On Earth
But I don’t recognise you anymore
And it makes me sad My blood is boiling
That you don’t have those smiles
Or maybe you never did
But I did
And I still do
But yours are gone
I want to be alone I want to be with somebody
Because if you have disappointed My mind is riled
My tastes
Then how can a million strangers I know their names?
Ever compare to kindness?
If I can’t find joy in you
Then how will I
In something that isn’t you
I want only the stars I need you
And the trees
Because everything else has changed
And I don’t understand where to place myself Among me?
If not amongst you
I want something that I can depend upon
But I feel as if...
That isn't
Your friendly embrace
Why has everything changed? I know why
Everything is different now It always was between me and you
And I’ve got to fight
Flesh and bone
Start from scratch But I have hope
Left everything behind That's not true
I hope you can forgive me, old friend
Because I forgive you
I feel like our paths are split
I’m wandering away from you I'm running away from you
With every breath that I take
I hold my sword to my chest
Clearing the vines away
It would be easier with you by my side
But you have your own vines
To clear away
I can’t hear you anymore But I hear your cries with your silence
It’s just me out here But it isn't really just me
In this jungle
Lost… But I know who I am!
You’re nowhere near You're close to my heart
I’ll make it out of here alive
But I promise
I won’t let you go Even if I already did
So easy
I’ll grab your hand
And pull you from the seas
Into the boat that I made My hands are blistered
Of our memories I won't forget them
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139,389 Literary Works • 672,542 Reviews
Loved it !!!
Thanks!
'Ello there!
I'm honestly really bad at formatting poetry, so I can't say much there unless it's purely first impression and opinion based. To me, I think it's a little bit too much, but it's really interesting and it must've taken a while to make it look nice.
I do feel like I'm having a hard time reading this. The top area isn't as scattered and I can form a good idea of what it is about, but then we move into the usage of strikethroughs; I'm not the most fond of them in poetry, but I love the effect they make.
One part of me wants to read from left to right across, but then another part says to read the strikethroughs when I'm done with the normal text. They both seem to sound mostly organized, but that's a little bit difficult to manage in a poetic way, especially when reviewing and jumping between reading sections.
Having said that, I do have one more thing to point out:
I wish this and the other lines like this were broken apart. It runs together a little too much for me, and that makes your poem seem to drag out. Here is an example of something you could do, but it's always your choice:
Good job!
lum
Thank you, I like your suggestion, I think that this would make it flow better. Thank you for your review
Hi,
Wow - this a fantastic poem, I love your imagery and the depth that you go, whilst exploring your speaker's reminiscence. I love your varied format, I thought that made it a really interesting read also. Honestly, I have no suggestions for any improvement - it's a beautifully crafted poem, keep writing because your work will only improve
Thank you! I was experimenting with formatting because I thought that I should try and change my style a little bit, and I'm so glad you like it. Thank you for your review