Young Writers Society

Hello! I love this poem. The development was the best part. I started out this poem thinking it was just going to be a review of the past, a description of how many bad things happened and how hard was in the past. But at the end, when it was revealed that some of the bad things that happened were in the future, that totally shocked me and made me see the poem in a whole new light. It wasn’t a poem about the past, it was a warning about all the worse things that are yet to come. The end truly chilled me to the core, especially because right now it feels so true. The line “she couldn’t tell what era she was in” seems so accurate for this moment, because every day it feels like I’m hearing about new horrors that I never expected to happen now, in this advanced age- but I guess our world is not as advanced as we think it is.
However, I would suggest you to add more descriptions and figurative language to the poem. The speaker talks about a lot of horrific events- witches being hung, World Wars- and those moments would be a great place to include strong descriptions, imagery or metaphors that would make readers feel actual fear and help them understand the poem better. I would also love to see descriptions of World War 3 and of the president making his plea, and the other horrors of the future. The ending would be so much more impactful if the reader is actually able to imagine and see what the speaker sees.
I also felt like the enjambment in this poem was a little random- every line was so short and cut off so abruptly and there didn’t appear to be any pattern to it. I would encourage you to think more about when and why you separate a line, to make sure the enjambment is adding to the meaning and theme of the poem.
Overall, this poem was amazing! I thought the perspective was really unique, and it made me see the world just a little bit differently after reading. I hope to read more poems from you in the future!

This is a wonderful poem showing how evil humanity can be. I loved how you put the good with the bad, like where you said, "the slaves freed." That is a small yet important piece because it adds depth and light to the dark. I can see that you planned this world war three for sometime in the very near future, if it has ended by 2023. That is a really good idea and i think you should grow on that. I wish i were as good of a writer as you are and i hope i can see your name on some works in the future.
Thank you
Emivanz1

This is very well and thoroughly thought out. I like your metaphors and your different, darker tone. It's a breath of fresh air compared to most happy and joyfully poems. I had a really good time reading this.

Wow! An apocalyptic story poem, this was quite a dramatic read.

I found it interesting that you had this set in just 2023 -- ooff, I hope that things don't turn so poorly in such a short amount of time.

I have a few thoughts!

positives

I really liked that you went for something dramatic and a story too. I kind of got a Revelations vibe from this, like the narrator was receiving a vision of what was going to happen.

I think you did a good job getting a lot of content and different themes into such a short poem too, I definitely felt the fear and anxiety of the piece.

some suggestions
One thing that I thought really popped in this piece was the drama of it. And although at some moments it kept me reading line after line wondering where it would turn next, at other areas it seemed almost preposterous bordering on funny because it was just so over-the-top which I think wasn't the vibe you were going for. So I think a balance might be brought in here.

Watch for words that promise a lot, but don't show what they promise. ie. phrases like "devastation of humanity" might be a bit over the top, I also think that something that made the poem almost too dramatic was that none of the lines really connected but stood sort of separately as separate / individual / narratives, rather than one-single-unit to be read together if that makes sense. Adding a few things that aren't just "list items" from the mayhem, but are like analysis or some inbetween thoughts I think will help the drama hit the right tone!

A point of confusion was also whether the narrator was looking back on all of human history into the future or present or what exactly was happening.

wording points
There were two wording points that gave me a bit of pause.

Standing there
Her eyes wide like peaches
Careful not to snare
Her fear

The slaves freed

The New York

Statue of Liberty

She landed back on Earth

Wow! This was such a beautiful poem! You are such an amazing writer!