The manifestations of dreams and ideas
Fall upon deaf ears
With curtesy do I speak my words
That are barely heard
And perhaps they are undelivered promises
Stolen from my dreams
Perhaps they lie
Like a dying sun
Sharing it's rays of light
Upon dead flowers and trees
Where life and laughter is
Truth there is none
But no, they do not lie
For lo: they hold my hearts greatest fire
The sweet songs of poetry
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140,071 Literary Works • 672,991 Reviews
Greetings, this is a great poem I love how eloquently you write.
it brings to mind reflections had late at night with the wind blowing the trees, an owl in a tree and the only light comes from the full moon... maybe I'm reading too much into this... and this definitely isn't coming from personal experience. Anyway, its pretty well written, some of your rhymes could use a bit of work but other than that its very good.
Thanks so much and glad that you could relate to it!
Hi,
This is a great poem, I love your language and imagery - you feel as though you're the character experiencing a moment of reflection - which especially seeing as we're here in lockdown, a lot of us will be doing - so well done! My only suggestion for an improvement would be:
Truth there is none
But no, they do not lie
For lo: they hold my hearts greatest fire,
Staring at my reflection in the mirror,
Will life hold my greatest desire?
Perhaps if you added an ending section like this, you'll really be able to build upon the immersive experience, but this is just suggestions, your work you do what you wanna of course! Keep writing - you're a really really really talented writer and I look forward to seeing more of your work!
Thank you so much for your review, I'll think about adding your suggestions, they sound super good
Hi there!
I love this imagery! At first I thought you were talking about a dead sun and how we would still see its light after it's gone, but I also like the interpretation of a life-giving substance being useless to dead plants and animals.
I was wondering if you meant "courtesy" here? "Curtsy" works too, but I think you spelled it wrong
Also I love the phrase "undelivered promises", but I would have loved it even more if you expanded on it a little bit. Your wording throughout the first couple of lines is beautiful, but in general it's a little vague for me. I didn't know you were talking about poetry until the very end, and even though I love leaving the reader to guess until the end, it would be easier to understand if you made the first few lines more connected. At first I think you are talking about ideas/projects, but then you say "words" in the third line which led me to think this is a poem about being unheard instead of your love for poetry. When you start your imagery of the sun and lies I can easily follow you, but it would sound a lot better if your beginning was connected to the end.
Poetry is sooo beautiful! And I loved reading your poem
Thank you so much, yeah i probably did spell it wrong i'll edit it. Yeah I might have made it a little confusing- I'll try and improve on it and maybe describe it more. Thank you for the feedback
Hi! I just thought you should know that this poem is truly one of the most eloquent pieces I have ever written. My favorite line is "With curtesy do I speak my words That are barely heard", it hints that maybe when you or the subject speaks, they are not heard. Or maybe they are heard just not understood. Or maybe not taken seriously. There are so many ways to interpret those lines!!!
I was a little confused on the lines, "Where life and laughter is Truth there is none" does this mean in the eyes of the subject there is a sense of falsity behind every life and laugh? Even if I don't completely understand it, I still think it's extremely moving and thought provoking.
This is more than a work of art, it's a MASTERPIECE!!!
Thank you so much, that line is supposed to highlight that reality can sometimes be denied, perhaps innocently, and that the laughter that has been projected can be a cover up for true emotions. I'm really glad you liked it
Hi Illy!
Let me just say, wow! That was beautifully written! I have only dappled in poetry, but you did a great job tying it all together. I especially like the rhyme you added, "Like a dying sun... Truth there is none." Beautiful. The rhythm and there is a grace about it. iI like the last line, "The sweet songs of poetry." It really brings it together at the end.
Great job!
Thank you, I'm glad you liked it