Birds silenced and grieved,
much like the trees' branches that swooped,
Cracked.
And the vibrant green leaves fading and dusted away,
by the sweeper of all creation that is nature.
Corpses rot to black.
----
Ashes fall and flutter,
they once were you and clutter,
the Earth, the sky, the soil and the sea.
That's were you lie, your heart next to me.
----
I feel each pulse rattle through my body.
Still, your beady eyes stare into mine.
Darkness, but such gorgeus light,
radiates like a nuclear blast.
Toxic to the happiness once lived.
-----
The truth is that the suffocating gas doesn't scare me.
I will not choke on the pain that is grief,
sheltered by the stone heart upon my shoulders.
Not one tear has fallen,
And I remain standing still.
Ivory, the thorns of your grave only scratches my skin,
but they subside.
Watered down by the medicine of faith.
---
So, ode to a doggo.
You were the best of them all.
And though I may not be a part of it,
Sorrow still hits me fiercely.
Time has returned its gift,
as is such with life and death
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Canary word: Present
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
Hi, Illy! First of all, I totally feel for you. I've lost a dog before, and it's hard. This poem describes exactly what I felt. It also gives a little hope at the end. I had some criticism, but waywardxwallflower beat me to it.
Just one thing about the name,
"Ode to death and the grim reaper and my sweet doggo Teds"
I didn't get the 'Grim Reaper' part unless you were referring to death itself. But overall, this poem is bittersweet and beautiful!
Thanks so much for your sympathy and I'll change the title to something that is more suitable- I was thinking the same thing xx
This poem is lovely. The way you've used words here is very creative, and I love the inconsistent and uneasy rhyme scheme you've chosen. This whole poem sets a lovely and haunting scene which perfectly relates the purpose.
"That's were you lie, your heart next to me." This line is really lovely, but I think "were" is meant to be "where"? Also, (and this is more of a personal preference than any solid critique), I think it may be a bit more poignant if you say "mine" instead of "me" (hearts lying next to each other though bodies cannot any longer).
"The truth is that the suffocating gas doesn't scare me./ I will not choke on the pain that is grief,/ sheltered by the stone heart upon my shoulders." These lines... were absolutely stunning. I have no words for the way they made me feel. OH my goodness.
Overall, this poem was lovely, and you did a great job!! You should definitely be proud
Thank you so much for your very helpful review and I completely agree with your suggestions. Thanks!