z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Goodbye

by illy7896


red roses shiver in the dusty breeze.

Tropical light filters the air and weaves

into the ancients songs sung

by silver tongues.


Poverty-

cold and brutal

like a knife,

digging into the warm flesh that is love

And life.

Though their songs merry and cheery

played upon by the innocence of laughter.

Each of their bellies is starved.

Toddlers deprived of milk.

Cheese 10 euros for a pound.

Tomatoes blister and burn heavy in the sun,

but where they should be plucked by strangers hands

or a hard-earned meal

They line the shelves

at cost

Sweet Maria,

you have disappeared

No longer blessing us with your angel kiss

And where God may be,

in these times

Flowers and tulips alike

cannot calm the raging storms

And the relentless tragedy inside of us

Italy is sold!

Sold to the Devil in the white shirt

Can I bid higher?

To the banks you say?

I don’t see why not!

We thought it was going okay

A politician with a pretty face

wanted change

But now he’s gone

and has been replaced

by the sincerity that is ‘democracy’

Oh, heavens above!

The children starve-

drop-dead like flies

Each only lives for a day

Our tears to drink

Our hope to eat-

our nourishment

is our grief

How divine

bread and wine!

So long the taste of sweetness

may fall upon my lips

Run down my throat as soft as honey

The only honey we can share

is each other’s

withered kiss

Arrivederci to the good times

The mountains of Tuscany

The rivers and the lakes

are off-limits

To the peasants of the game

Please

What have you done?

The reincarnation of evil

your smile is all the evidence

Of your sinister

agenda

It’s World War 2

All over again

How did it all start?

Carry me away!

Far from here

Bury me down

on a mountain

with the trees

I want to be away

from humanity.

I can hear their boots

And their rasps

on my door

The military

come to kill us

with their batons

A thump

And I drop to the floor

I feel myself

slipping away

My throat is parched

I can’t hear their words.

So many have been slayed

I am yet another

on that pile of corpses

Ashes to ashes 

Dust to dust

The empire of the past

is back 

from the dead.

I thought that the bad times

Had gone stale

And had been burnt away

by hope's grim light

and education

But now smiling faces

and battle-cries

can't beat the lethal sword that is

night's frozen darkness

and sinister lies.

Goodbye life

And love

Peace has gone

Resurrected only

By long lost smiles

Instead anger

Fills the expressions

Of our people

And guns

In their hands


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User avatar
58 Reviews


Points: 4312
Reviews: 58

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Sun Mar 14, 2021 1:30 am
quitecontrary wrote a review...



Wow. I've been following your poetry because it's very vivid and beautifully written, but this work stands out to me so much for its content and its heartfelt feeling. In some places it really feels like a chorus of people crying out, especially your fifth and eighth stanzas. There's so many different voices in your poem, and you've melded them so well, contrasting a longing for better with condemnation of the government and crime.
Your last stanza really stood out to me because I felt so much righteous anger emanating from the last two lines. Like, you could have ended it with a soft goodbye or a plea for help, but instead I get this very vivid image of the narrator's brows furrowing and fists tightening. It's so calm and factually stated, but there's this huge undercurrent of emotion that just makes me stop.
There's so much more I could praise(especially your sixth stanza: I'm shuddering) but I'll try to leave a few comments:

We thought it was going okay

A politician with a pretty face

wanted change

But now he’s gone

and has been replaced

by the sincerity that is ‘democracy’
This stanza didn't have as much impact as the others, and I think it's because your diction isn't as strong here. Your last line doesn't pack much of a punch for me, and it might be because you spread the meaning thinly here. Using less words to convey meaning(like your very last lines) and describing the politician using a metaphor(with a face like a lamb, ect.) might make this more impactful.
Tomatoes blister and burn heavy in the sun,

but where they should be plucked by strangers hands

or a hard-earned meal

They line the shelves

at cost
These lines were very impactful, but I would rewrite your third line like this: "for a hard-earned meal"
I think that shows your meaning a little clearer.
Though their songs merry and cheery

played upon by the innocence of laughter.

Each of their bellies is starved.
I'd get rid of the periods to keep the style consistent. Also I'd add "are" between "songs" and "merry".

Overall, AMAZING JOB! By far my favorite metaphor was this one:
Our tears to drink

Our hope to eat-

our nourishment

is our grief

I had no idea how people were suffering in Italy, so I thank you for writing about it so eloquently. Much love! <3




illy7896 says...


Thank you so much for your review, I like your suggestions and they were very helpful. Thats also so nice for you to say and i:m glad that you enjoyed the poem.



User avatar
89 Reviews


Points: 391
Reviews: 89

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Sat Mar 13, 2021 9:46 pm
mordax wrote a review...



Hi there! Let me start off with my reaction to this poem: speechless. I mean, wow, I am in awe by your talent. You managed to display this progression throughout the poem while also maintaining the situation throughout. Also, you managed to write stanzas that were so vivid and so... Italy, that I almost felt like I was there. I could see this country, beautiful and romantic, yet tainted with the horrors the people experience and sullied with corruption.

Honestly, I have no critiques. I love the way you formatted this poem and I love how abruptly it ended. It was a violent, blunt end, which is how reality is. I also love the way you incorporate rhyme throughout the poem. It pops up here and there and is so satisfying when it does, though the rhyme schemes aren't constant and I love that.

That is all I can say. Wonderful job, I love this poem.

Mordax




illy7896 says...


Thank you so much for your review, that's so kind of you




He who knows only his own generation remains forever a child.
— Cicero