Young Writers Society

Heyy!!! So I want to start off by saying that LOVE this piece, it's do decidedly abstract whilst also giving the audience concrete details in the beginning.
My absolute favorite lines are "I pledge allegiance to life/And die" IT'S JUST SO GOOD! I wish I had written that! it's like a slap to the face, how nothing really ever lasts forever.
The description in the beginning was immaculate. I love how you set the scene, and then decided to jump right into the topic.
Another few lines I really liked were: "My beating heart, bloodless / And my breathing lungs, breathless / My speaking voice, wordless" It really well, comparing the opposites. And it's not even confusing, it all blends nicely together. Personally when I was reading those lines, I was thinking of a beating heart, working without any blood. Empty lungs performing endless task that ultimately are doing nothing because there's no air. And finally, I picture someone speaking through wordless actions and body language, or someone being ignored and cast aside.
Overall my interpretation of the piece was that it was about brainwashing, and how it plays such a huge role in society today, even if people don't widely acknowledge it (I mean I guess that's how brainwashing works). But also about how people rarely think for themselves, and are constantly following others aimlessly. The title ties into this PERFECTLY. The references to how people are slowly trudging through life like dead bodies is a great way to compare the two ideas.
I really don't have any suggestions on how to make this any better because it's already really good!

Wow, I loved this poem! I have very little critique, but let's get to it.

Obviously, you may have chosen this for a formatting choice, but I would've liked to seen some stanza grouping. Without it, there was less of a flow and it felt more difficult to read. Of course, this suggestion is one you can completely ignore if that was your intent.

Again, with the stanzas, while reading, there were a few groupings that felt natural, for example, the first four lines. They are each set up in a relatively same way and I love the flow between them. From there, you transition into a separate flow for the next four lines, where it once again flows beautifully. After that is where the flow is disrupted. I love the shift into the new flow where you end each line with a "-less" word, but the transition isn't entirely smooth and makes me stutter over it while reading. Again, this might be your intention, in which case, ignore me.

My favorite lines:

My darling nemesis

How sweet our tantrums

That humanity possesses

Numbed by ignorance

And mocked by fools