Red roses shiver
Buried by the gentle tap of falling snow
Frosty eyelashes blink
And fall, like snowflakes
To the ground
~~~~~~
Green fields
And orange suns
Have died
To be resurrected
By blossoming daffodils
That day is soon
But not now
~~~~~
The house is warm
Tap tap
Of the controller
And since we cannot see each other
Face to face
We play videogames
And kill our enemies
Behind the screens
~~~~~~
Baths and boredom
Water down our backs
Rain drops down on our heads
An unappealing shower
But we dry ourselves with funny movies
~~~~~
Flashy lights
Replace the dawn
That never rises
But only sets
Uneven early mornings
Getting out of bed
Alarms aren’t necessary
When waking up isn’t a chore
~~~~~
Soon enough
The snow fades
Uncovering masses of land
And spring days
That we will share
In each other’s warmth
We don’t have to wrap up tight
In sweaters and hats
But we can wear comfy dresses
And shorts
~~~~~~
Summer has arrived
We don’t have to lock ourselves up
In hidden walls
Fresh air
And gentle breezes
Rhythmatic munch
Of food and cakes
Packed by the rush of hands
And feet
That swarm and run
To be free
~~~
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,389 Literary Works • 672,542 Reviews
I like this! You paint a very distinct picture of how winter is at your house. I like your choice to not use punctuation, it gives the poem an aimless feel, just like the winter you're describing. My one critique is that it doesn't make as much sense to talk about summer in the last stanza. Maybe write about what you think of winter now that it's over. Amazing job! Thanks for your poem.
Thank you for your review
Hey illy7986!
There's certainly a lot that's been written about the changing of seasons, but it's something that remains constant about life and the world no matter what, so fresh perspectives are always welcome.
My name is Elinor, and I thought that I would drop by to give your a poem a quick review. I enjoyed reading it and I wanted to thank you for sharing it.
I find it interesting that while this is ostensibly a poem about the changing of the seasons, you focus it on winter and how, as long and tireless as it seems, it will one day pass and become spring and later summer. As someone who hates cold weather, I definitely relate to this. But it's interesting because I've lived in warmer climates and I feel like I appreciate the warmer weather more when it isn't always around. There's something about the changing of seasons that feels natural, like it's the way that things are supposed to be.
I wonder if you could get at this to a greater degree by spending less time on spring and summer in the later stanzas of your poem. Maybe the narrator sees a bud on a tree and smiles upon thinking about the warmer days to come.
Just a thought!
Hope this helps! Keep writing, and please free to drop me a line if you have any questions.
Thank you so much for your review and I like your suggestion.
This piece is incredibly poised. The language is relatively simple, but it manages to invoke this lovely atmosphere. It captures the movement, the rhythm of life very well. Normally I am not a huge fan of long poems with short lines, but it works here. It allows for that wonderful, aforementioned rhythmic factor. And it gives the poem the space it needs to feel as alive and natural as it does.
I also really like how you highlight the components of the poem by giving them their own line. It's very sensual if that makes sense. It feels like we get an intimate peek into the narrator's unique perspective.
Thank you so much!